D is for dominant

the one who is coming over tomorrow so we can have a picnic, with plum as the dessert.

Have I been well-used this month?

Well, I sucked the cocks of five different guys, two on a first date.
Let two guys fuck my face and spank me,
and had my pussy eaten enough times to begin to form an appreciate for technique.
I had my g-spot thrummed by four of the guys, and showed the fifth how to find it, and
was able to get fucked three times, by one sweet and enthusiastic guy, kinda vanilla, but good enough to make me come and come.

However, I am still waiting--have been waiting since May!--for Z to tie me up and whip me.

Still need to find someone I can care about and trust who can discipline me, dominate me in that way I find so sexy, and have real life rugged sex at the same time.

Yes, I want passion in my life.
I want to feel someone else's pulse beat, their erotic edge join mine and overcome me.

More about G and me

So it turns out that the way G makes his ambivalence about his marriage more bearable is to have special friends from time to time.
Guess I just became a special friend.
We made love again in the morning, and I really enjoyed it--probably the most of the 3 times.
What did we do?
Took our clothes off, got under the sheets, and touched.
His skin is smooth as powder.
I put G's cock in my mouth, and sucked it, licked his balls, flicked my fingers across his legs, tracing the veins across his penis.
As I sucked, he grew larger, and darker, as red and rusty as a deep burgundy rose.
He entered me from behind and we did it doggie style, with a little spanking (new to him, but I said I liked it), then we moved and I came and sat on top of him, head thrown back, breasts bouncing as he tugged my nipples.
I could feel him inside me, feel myself tightening, feel the energy between us as we moved harder and faster, more purposefully toward an edge.
His penis was angled into my g-spot and it felt sooo good.
When he came, I felt the small explosion inside my tight pussy, and I came again, right after he did, and we collapsed, and lay still, and kissed and cuddled.

Yes, we pleased each other very much...not bad for two people who had so little practice together.

satisfied

i feel so much better now.....

Sitting naked at the computer/G

G is checking in to his hotel, then coming back here to spend the night
The man wants to hug and kiss and cuddle
Sleep next to me and slip his cock in
Kiss my breasts and pinch the nipples
Rub my ass and touch my shoulders
Look at me and smile

And yeah, I am digging it
even if he flies away tomorrow...

Seeing G/horny

G and I are getting together.
He's spoken for, but I think he's developed a crush on me.
I have the hots for him.

Okay, in truth, I have the hots for what I imagine is his masterful love-making,
and my fantasy that because he is attached, as opposed to these pros I seem to
be dating, he'll be more eager to have that plain old long-neglected standby I seem unable to experience--good ol' fucking.

Yep, I would do almost anything to get laid.
Forget nipple clamps and spankings (yum), I want 6-9 inches of hot beef injection buried in a nice warm place.

Are we going to get it on?
I am going to prep the body parts as if, but in truth, I'm not sure--I would LOVE TO--but he is attached--
And as someone whose ex slipped out of the relationship on the thin legs of a friend turned affair, it cuts too close to home.

Well on my way to Slut 101

It doesn't seem like I can meet anyone who will screw me, but I have been slutting around like a princess.
Tonight I had drinks with guy I met online, a scientist type--we've been talking on the phone and this was the meet up. Within 2 hours, we ended up back at my place, making out. Soon after that we went into my bedroom and got nasty--okay, we didn't get nasty--we just had hot, enthusiastic oral sex, both ways--and it was lovely, warm, and sensual, and toe-curling and fun.
And what a talented tongue!
And fingers.
Nothing like feeling the compact, muscular fingers of an ex-soccer player caressing my body as his tongue creates new spaces on my flesh.
Seriously, he was talented.
And it felt sooo good.

Funny snippet: Guy in bedroom about to put on his clothes saying "At least your dog isn't the jealous type...He doesn't seem to have a problem with me coming over."
Me: "Well, you know, we got him when I was married...He's used to, uh, sharing."

The Dom's Kitchen

So I got an email from a local Dom whom I had asked: How would you want to begin with me?
He wrote me a very sexy email describing how he'd have me undress and touch me.
He says:
" When I find your clit I will lightly stroke it and I hope you will respond by rocking your hips to meet my strokes. I will lick your sweet juice from my fingers. I might bring you close to orgasm at this time, teasing you with the pleasure we both seek.
Then I will order you to kneel and hold my hardening manhood in your hands and lick it all over. When You have made me hard you will take me in your mouth and show me how much you want to give me pleasure but I will not cum in your mouth, but I will save that for later. If you are agreeable to all this I might bind your wrists and your breasts. A bound woman is very sexy for me. By this time I like to let the moment dictate my actions. I want to learn to read you and so I will not be harsh with you but I will be sensual and sexual. You will put a condom on me before I enter your hopefuly wet and willing pussy. I will also explore your anal opening with a gloved finger and lubricant. I do love anal sex!!"

He sends a picture. (See above).
What kind of person would get involved with a man whose kitchen looks like this?
What kind of person doesn't realize their kitchen is terrifying?

No thank you were my polite words (as I howled with laughter at the keyboard.)

Waiting

No word for K.
D called off our date.
The other guys sounded wierd.

Where is that man I am waiting for?

I am getting frustrated.

K

Went out with K last night.
Dinner and talk about D/s.
He's been into it for a while, but seems fairly conservative in his behavior.
Generous with insights and advice.
We ended up at my place, kissing passionately (we both love to kiss).
Of course, we did more than kiss--
But much less than we might do, someday.
Woke up with a big smile.
I like him.

On the couch

On the couch, my breasts in your face, my nipples in your mouth.
You: Sucking, biting, tugging.
Me: Smiling, moaning.

On the couch, your cock in my mouth.
Me: Licking, tonguing, sucking.
You: Eyes closed, moaning.

On the couch, your hand inside me.
You: Pushing, thrusting, touching.
Me: Screaming.

It felt so good.
When can I see you again?

Confused

I am so confused about how to get what I want--which means I am confused about what I want.
On one hand, I just want to get fucked and have some wonderful vaginal sex--on the other hand, I want to meet someone I can see more than once and care about, at least as a friend.
I just stood up--more to less--this guy I met online--didn't follow through to confirm our plans--because I am uncomfortable with wanting to screw him.
On the other hand, I want to screw him.
Oy.
I keep answering guys' ads, but the percentage I talk with is small, and the percentage I agree to meet--and then meet--is tiny,
And it takes forever!!!
Frustrated.

submissive

Z was here tonight, horny.
He pulled me to him on the couch, pulled my shirt back and suck and bit my nipples.
I gasped with the pain, but it felt so good!
He knows just how to touch me--and as he sucked my nipples, I fondled his stiffening cock through his pants, that always feels erotic.
Within a few minutes we were naked and I was sucking his cock.
He moaned loudly as I worked him over, but he was too soft to come inside me, and
he didn't come.
After a while he took me into the bedroom, laid me down and did a great job eating my pussy.
After I screamed for a bit, he put his fingers inside me.
"Would it be okay if I turned over?"I asked, meaning I wanted to go onto my stomach, ass in the air, into what I know is the completely submissive pose.
"Sure," he said, and there I was, as bound to him as if I were roped, gasping with pleasure as his fingers filled me, pushing at my G-spot as my flesh gripped his hand.

Aside from the fact this guy can't fuck, the sex was hot.
If Z could tie me up and spank me every time, and fuck me once in a while, happiness would be mine.

Fantasy

I meet you online.
We have coffee and you come back to my place.
Inside, I drop to my knees, unzip your pants, and pull out your cock.
It is large and heavy, with a big tip.
I ask you if I can take in my mouth.
When I touch you, I smell your light odor of sweat, felt the lightly throbbing vein on the side of your pink, straining flesh, then swallow you whole and begin to suck.
I can feel the salt rather than taste it as your hips arch against me and your hand steadies yourself against the back of my head.
I know you are looking down at a woman you have just met, full-bodied and round, who is taking you deep inside her mouth, teasing you with her tongue, and it makes you so hot.
When I lightly rake your balls with my fingers, exploring their texture, you jump, then relax into me,
"Come to the couch," you say.
We move and you open my blouse, discovering my breasts, touching them with your hands, smiling with delight. You bend your head and suck on the nipples, teasing with your tongue.
"Bite me,"I say, and you clamp down on the nipple, hard, giving me a pleasure completely mixed with pain.
The pain makes me want you and I arch my back and you sense it and everything speeds up.
Moments that stand out:
When we screw you hold my hands with yours, keeping me down.
Your cock is thick and I love the feeling of it inside me.
You push me legs back, inside me so deep, riding toward my g- spot.
Before you come, you slap my breasts and squeeze the nipples and the pain you deliver makes my pussy spasm in a way that grips you so tight it is only seconds till you come.
When we are done, you lie still for a moment, still inside me.
I feel the weight of you, your sweat on the small of your back.
"That was amazing,"you say. "Did you like it?"

from Until Sunrise

this is so erotic: "...the best way to explore your clit would be with my tongue; it's somehow more intimate, and more sensual, and frees my fingers to spread you open and feel you clenching around them. That's an amazing sensation, when I know you're so horny that you thrust your hips forward and squeeze my fingers hard, wanting them deeper inside you. There's strength in those muscles, but it comes wrapped in the softest of packages, and it would turn me on more than you can imagine to feel you grip me as I fuck you."


I wish I had someone who would do this to me.

Some whine with that

Why are all the cute ones psychotic!!!!!!

What Plum told the Dom

This is what I emailed back to the would-be Dom:

"This is way too fast for me.
I'm probably a poor choice for you,
because I'd have to know you and want to please you before I could
even consider calling you Sir or Master and submitting to you at this
level--there's no way I could make that decision--or want to--about
someone who I just met in an email 24 hours ago.

Also, I don't want to be a slave--I didn't make this clear, but I
consider myself more of a sensual submissive, someone who is
interested in D/s as part of an emotional and sexual relationship with
a specific person. Given that I have little experience, how could it
be otherwise unless I was a masochist, which I am not?

So while you're right, this is a sexually stimulating email, it sounds
like we want to move at very different paces, and perhaps from
somewhat different places--I wish you luck in finding the slave you
seek."

How many ways can you say take a hike, bud?

(Somehow it seems like the knowledge base of ridiculous dating experiences is accelerating)

Email from a prospective Dom
Just got this email from a man I have never met or spoken to on the phone, who emailed me for the first time just 24 hours ago---(edited for length)

"I have enough experience as a Master to show you the way I want you to go. I can feel that thinking about this type of relationship is having an effect on you, it makes you excited. you want it, no you need it, you always needed this type of relationship and you know that deep inside. Now it has been described, you can almost taste it, but it is just a beginning, will you enjoy being used, how would you like to be used how will I use you for my pleasure and what pleasure will you get out of being used......

I know that on the plane ride home tomorrow you will be staring at the page of your book but you will be thinking about what it will be like to serve. your mind will be filled with visions of slavedom and anticipation of meeting your new Masters needs. Will you be able to please him, what will he do if he is not satisfied with your efforts. How exactly will he use you. You will be staring at the page but your mind will be wandering and your pussy will be getting damper and wetter the longer you ponder.

For instance for my pleasure you will be required to adopt "the position" at any time and immediately. Kneeling in front of your Master with your back to him, face on the floor, hands under your face, knees spread wide apart, ass stuck up as high as you can manage in the air, presented for my viewing pleasure, skirt hitched up and panties removed your butt and cunt naked, available and vulnerable. You will remain in that position until given permission to move. What will I use you for in that position, will I just mount you and ride your ass or your dripping wet cunt. Do you self lubricate easily...if not as you get into the position part of the ritual will be to grease yourself with a liberal amount of lubricant to make both holes accessible, you will do everything you can to please your Master ...Me....

Will I amuse myself by inserting objects inside your holes just to see you squirm and enjoy the look of embarrassment on your face.....or maybe I just use your ass as an ottoman and put my feet up and relax while I read a long book.

your tits .......your big bouncy tits, have you ever had them bound? tied up so tight that they look purple and angry, about to explode......you will!!! and they will be spanked too, they will be spanked when bound and when flopping around as my mood dictates...... it is not just your ass that is in for a spanking but your tits and your cunt...all need to be disciplined.

So yes we should meet for coffee.....but no I don't agree it doesn't just happen. It does and it has, you will address me as Sir in any and all further correspondence, and Master or Sir when we are alone together, in public you may address me as Steve. But only when we can be overheard by others.

When we are having our first coffee meeting you will still show me the respect I would get if I were to become your Master and if we decide on first meeting to go no further then so be it.

If we decide we want to meet again, you will be spanked on your bare bottom on our second meeting, remember this if and when you agree to meet with me again. I agree there are aspects of a D/s relationship that should not be practiced until exclusivity is agreed upon, and common sense will prevail. However time is required before that committment is made and you will have to prove yourself a worthy slave before that honor is bestowed on you.

So think long and hard on your plane trip home. Think of a place to meet for coffee, the choice I will leave up to you. Have the mindset that if we both decide to meet for a second time you will end the evening with a smarting red bottom. So a decision to meet twice is a decision that you want to present your bare bottom for my pleasure. If you feel that you need to wait for a third meeting before presenting your bare bottom for my pleasure then you have lost your chance with this Master.

Have a safe and thoughtful trip home.

So--this man wants me to Sir him and Master him in my email and we have never spoken or met?
I don't think so. Nope, No way, no how.

And be his slave?
What the hell for?

Yick.

(Somehow it seems like the knowledge base of ridiculous dating experiences is accelerating)

Thoughts on limits and D/s

Have been thinking about my experience with P. last week.
What turned him on was dominating me--having a woman--and eventually, a very naked woman--obey his commands as he pushed her to limits of what she would allow--and ordered her to do what HE wanted within that framework.
That mindset explains why he did not want to kiss, nor cuddle when we finished--
I could be a good, obedient girl--but his pleasure was not about being with me, his pleasure was around a feeling I helped supply.
On that level, I could be anyone, kind of.
This is a subtle shift in the dynamic but one I didn't see so clearly before.
This experience adds resonance to R's statements he only wants to dominate someone he is already close with and committed to--that's closer to what I want as well, I guess.

I also wonder if P would have beaten me to a pulp if I'd said he could--or left bruises everywhere.
On one hand, he was a perfect gentleman, who did NOTHING--except for those awful pinches in the car--that I did not allow--on the other hand, his pleasure in giving pain--and having women accept it--was unquestionable.

Yep, that night has given me a lot to think about.

Somebody f**k me, please

Yes, getting laid is impossible.
Since I broken up with the life partner in February, I have had vaginal intercourse exactly 3 times--once with said life partner, twice with R.
WTF?
This is pathetic.

And the worst thing is, I have NO IDEA how to actually meet someone to do the deed with--what is that about?
Okay, my post-spouse experience has been very limited, but even still....I am frustrated beyond belief.

Someone, tell me what to do to work this out without ending up with:
--A total asshole
--A man who wants to do my ass or get a blow job
--Someone who doesn't want to kiss or get too involved--they're into some kind of *scene*

This situation is driving me insane...

More on masturbation

Since the breakup of my marriage, I've become a compulsive masturbator--two or three times a day is typical, whereas it was 4-5 times a week when I was married.
I've only started using toys since Z showed me how--the big purple vibrator that goes right to my g spot is a particular favorite for earth shattering orgasms.
But my fantasies are starting to run out of gas.
I think about two men--nah.
A man and his cum slave and me--nah.
The Dom who ordered me to come when I touched myself and bit my nipples till I yelped----nah(tho that has some potential).
It is so long since Z and I have had vigorous sex I can't use that.
It's a problem.
I definitely need something new to think about.
It's a shame when jerking off starts to feel almost as difficult as getting laid--and in my world, getting laid has somehow become IMPOSSIBLE.

Bruises--and limits

So I have learned an invaluable lesson--with a modium of pain--it is my job to set my own limits.

I emailed P, giver of bruises, and said I was uncomfortable with his sadism and my gut told me to call a halt to seeing him.

His response: I enjoyed seeing you--but you need to set your own limits.

He's right.
So, I think I just got off easy...and learned something I will remember for the go forward.
Thanks, P.

My bruises

Two , no three, bruises on my inner thigh, courtsey of P pinching my leg--hard--in the car.
One is red, the other two are deep purple with a twinge of yellow.
They scare me.
Why?
This man gave me painful bruises before I even told him he could hurt me.
He gave me bruises that marked me when he supposedly didn't mean to--and when I'd told him no marks.
When we had sex, he was a gentleman and did nothing I did not agree to--
But what if he is waiting for me to agree he can hurt me more--or if he loses control and does it anyway?
Yep, this Dom is a sadist.
And I'm scared of that.
I think I need to pack it in.
And yet, the danger excites me.

Do I wait till he hurts me to acknowledge what I know is true?
Or pretend it's not true so I can push the edge?

I am unsure.

Wi.ld Monkey sex with P--But....

I met P tonight, the Dom I was so excited about.
I had this fantasy we would fall passionately in love--or at least lust.
He left 5 minutes ago, and now I want to sort out what I feel.
It ain't love.

First of all, P is married.
He says his wife knows he's not monogamous and he wants a girlfriend.
Someone he can have sex with--and talk to.
The thing is, P doesn't seem very spontaneous.
We had sex, and it was sex.
It was not playful or expressive in any way.
He dominated me.
He put clothes pins on my breasts.
He put them on my clit and my pussy lips.

His thing was pain...going for the most intense stimulation possible.
He didn't want to kiss me, he didn't seem to want to fuck me--he had a script he got off on--
making me come
making me make myself come
leaning over me staring into my eyes watching my face
then having me suck his cock and lie down so he could fuck my face.

But he never let me touch his cock.
He held it and jerked himself off and came in my mouth.

In other words, he behaved kind of like a guy who'd made rules about what he would and would not do (but he got brownie points for bring lots of rubbers).

After we had sex, he was ready to leave.
To be honest, I was ready to have him go.
We talked about going out on Saturday night--to a sex cub--just to watch--but I am not sure I want to go.

What bothers me about P?
Two things:
a) I have the sense he could really hurt me if I let him..he is a sadist and proud of it...and that scares me.
b) It didn't feel that personal...it felt more like he was into a certain kind of role playing--but, hey I am not really sure.

I WAS a total slut in the car with him.
I showed him my breasts, took my panties off, kept my legs spread...I was definitely a submissive slut.
And he made me cal him Sir.

But the deeper sense of connection was missing.
It was the first time, but I'm not sure he'squite what I am looking for.

(And having said that, might I mention his is the second cock I have sucked since my marriage broke up? And that, while a tad on the small size, it's shape and circumference and general trim were very pleasing?)

Men, the prospects

P--High energy executive, so called open marriage--he sounds great
A--Younger Indian guy, somewhat dominant and very cute
D--Older man, exec type, meeting for dinner tomorrow
S--Scientist, bearded, sounds interesting
J--Married and unhappy-think I am going to pass on this one
S--Writer/intellectual; sounds a bit obsessive--pass

Maybe by next week, I could be having great sex with one or two of them--that could be great.

Permission

Z has said it is okay with him if I see other men, even though he would prefer not to know.
His reasons have to do with his inability to f*ck me because of the medication he takes.
My reasons have to do with a general frustration with a lack of sex because of his health, AND
my need to experiment after being in one LOOONNNGGG relationship for most of my life--and nothing else.
The one thing he wanted was that there be no D/s with anyone else.
He was pretty adamant about that.
So, I am taking action.
I have dates with two men who share my interest in D/s--dinner with one tomorrow night, drinks with another on Thursday.
After those two, I will not date--or look for--any men who want to practice D/s.
However, I am very interested in one of these guys and am going to have to figure out how to have sex with him--if I like him in person as much as via email--without his leaving marks (this seems impossible).
I think I am ready to take the next step and become a more sexual being again--a more active sexual being.
It would be so great to find someone I could enjoy being with and have this amazing, endless horniness be resolved for a bit.

Still waiting to be whipped

Me
Lingerie, fishnets, heels.
Tied to your door. Pulled tight against it.
You, with a paddle.
Spanking me.

I want to be whipped.
I want to feel a transforming pain.
How long will you make me wait till I can finally have what I want?

Possible men (or not)

A, the 31 year old I met online, who actually seems kinda nice--at least at a virtual distance. Someone young would be a trip...but I fear I am too old.
D--the 50 something DOM whose marriage broke up because of his D/s interests (should I say obsessions?)--we are supposed to meet for dinner in 2 weeks.
DSF--the still cloaked (and married) DOM who is married with a child, smart as a whip and sounds great--but is attached (okay, he has done this before, but it bothers me)
There are some others from the dating and BDSM sites, but these men have caught my attention.
Now, do I actually meet them and move these options ahead?
I think yes.

No sex, arrghh

No sex with Z for a week or more. We don't seem to make it past a blow job and a hand in my pussy often enough.
This is frustrating.

Laura the tooth: true dat

laura the tooth says: i definitely feel that modern porn with all its emphasis on orifice stretching and stunt fucking for the benefit of the camera has led to the decline of the importance of vaginal tightness. the overriding philosophy behind all the double penetration, double anal, ass to mouth, fisting, anal gaping, and jackhammer backdoor boning is orifice expansion, which is the antithesis of tautness. this is a sad development, because one of the biggest benefits of fucking is getting to feel something--after her pussy, asshole, mouth, and throat are all stretched out and loosened up from all that "penile accommodation" (and penetration with any other large foreign object[s]), what's next? will he just just stick it in her ear?"

Laura, true dat.

Spanked

Home from another trip.
Z comes over.
I am tired, cranky.
We hand out and talk.
Eventually, we start to kiss.
"Take off your blouse" he says, and devours my breasts, pulling them out of the black and burgundy demi bra he bought me and which I have on tonight so he can suck the nipples into high pink points. He nuzzles the soft flesh, gently biting the skin, bruising and marking me like a piece of ripe fruit.
"Turn around and let me see your ass in those panties," he commands.
As I obey, I wonder what else he would like to do.
"What would you like?" he says, to my surprise.
I smile.
I was just thinking the same question about you.
"Well, I know what I'd like, "he says, "And I can tell you--but how about you."
"I'd like you to spank me," I say, and we both smile.
I turn and he hits me, hard with his hand, going from side to side until I know my ass is pink and warm.
"Oh, that looks so hot," he says, and he pulls me closer, working a finger into my asshole, digging and pushing in a way I find intoxicating, especially when he combines it with fingers iny my cunt and/or hitting me some more.
He works on me and soon I come, clamping down on the fingers in my ass and touching my clit as he spanks me.
Soon, we go into the bedroom where I take off his clothes, he lies down and says" Suck my cock."
I remove my bra, shaking my big breasts free, and take him in my mouth. As I suck his cock, I tongue and lick his ball and dig my fingers into the base of the shaft, creating some contrast.
Listening to his moans, I feel in control.
He thrusts himself into my mouth, hooking his legs around my neck and pushing up with his hips till my entire world is cock.
I suck him, deep, until he comes in my throat.
"Suck me more, " he said, so I continue for a bit until he says its enough.
When we are done, we lie together naked on the bed and hold one another and talk.

Multiple partners, how to?

I'm starting to realize that all the chatting with Doms on other web sites that I engage in has to do with my very lively curiosity about having more lovers.
But there are three things I am at a complete loss to figure out:
1) If I want to do D/s, how can I do that with someone I don't know--it seems so risky and difficult to meet the right person--part of Z's great appeal is that I totally trust him(only we just don't have sex enough!)
2) How can I have a D/s relationship with two men and keep that secret(as in, secret from Z)?
I'm thinking multiple marks, for one thing.
3) If I'm not looking for D/s, but for some cool sex partner/friend that I can like and trust, how do I meet that person--and what should my criteria be?

After so many years of being married, this is all new to me--help!

Dinner fantasy

We are meeting at the conference hotel.
Last time you saw me, my marriage was ending.
"You'll have lots of fun,"you said. "You're a terrific person and will have the freedom to enjoy yourself. I bet you'll go out with other guys."
I sat at the table with you and realized I wanted to reach under the cloth, unzip your pants, and stroke and fondle your cock.
Now it is 4 months later. I live alone and I am single.
Before our meeting, I run out to the stores by the hotel, trying to buy hot new lingerie.
I imagine our dinner turning into something more, a night in my hotel room, in my hotel bed, where I unzip your pants and make you stand by the bed as I kneel down in lace lingerie and heels and tell you I have to suck your cock, and what a slut I've become, by the way.
As I get dressed tonight, I wonder if I have the nerve to express any of this, and what you might feel.
My tight sweater shows off my breasts, and I am wearing a skirt, not pants, all the better for your hands to drift beneath, should the opportunity arise.
Perhaps we will drink wine and kiss, our mouths drifting together like smoke, our hands reaching for one anothers' knees, touching the soft bits on the inner thigh.
Perhaps we will spend time together in bed after sex, spooning in the dark until you reach for me and want to come again before you go back to your own hotel room.
I imagine us lovers, meeting around the world for dinner, talk and sex.
I magine how think and long your cock is, and how good it would feel in my mouth.
I imagine your joy at how sexual and expressive and kinky I am compared to your wife.
And how happy we are with the fun we have.

90 minutes later we are standing together, chatting. You tell me your wife is coming to join you at the conference, and we're all going to have dinner together.
You say things are terrible between you and you're trying but it may just not work.
"I want to get to know you a lot better," you say to me. "Not only professionally, but on a personal level."
"I would like that," I reply demurely, aware that what you really mean is I want to fuck your brains out. Aware you are too honorable to say that--or do it--right now.
I am incredibly disappointed at losing the chance to have you all to myself, but I can afford to wait.

I have dinner with you and your wife.
I pretend I am still married and never mention the pending divorce.
We now have a secret between us your wife does not know--that we talk in a way that excludes her, and I realize that if your marriage blows up, you may be at my door.

C, returned (sort of)

So C was the Dom I had drinks with a few weeks ago, who seemed really fun under his rugged exterior, and who whispered about how he liked to sexually tease, withhold orgasm, and have his sub take off her shirt on the freeway. He struck me as hot, I enjoyed kissing him when he walked me to my car, but then once we agreed we wanted to see one another again, it went all weird.
He called me, I called him, but then he didn't call me back and I wondered if his game was to withhold himself. Finally, before I went on a trip, I sent an email saying I'd enjoyed seeing him and he should be in touch when I got back if he wanted to meet up.
The day after I returned I got an email from him--only there was no message--the man sent a blank email.
Now, the night with C has provided much hot masturbatory fantasy in lonely hotel rooms, BUT common sense suggests a man who only gives me his cell phone, sdoesn't offer his last name, seems to have issues around communicating, and appears to be pretty withholding is someone I should skip.
At worst, this man is some twisty guy; at best, poor communication skills except when 1:1.
Verdict: Let this one go.

Some pix

D/s Chez Z

Last night at Z's. First of all, we did not have the hot night of D/s sex I'd imagined, he was exhausted after cleaning his place up, etc. but I will talk about what we did do, and how it felt--even tho we did not do as much as I'd hoped.
R had bought me lingerie. Beautiful, sexy lingerie. He watched me try it all on for him--everything fit and everything looked great. The Chinese satin corset, in particular, sent him over the top.
"Come here and suck my cock. Get on your knees" he said, leaning back on the low-slung platform bed.
I obeyed, licking and sucking his cock, tasting the pre-cum, and making him moan as a licked his balls and took them into my mouth. As he fucked my face, he leaned over and swatted my ass with his hand and the riding crop--the pain made me feel so excited.
"Stop," he finally said, "I don't want to come."
He reached into the drawer and pull out some big ass nipple clamps--harp clamps, he said--and attached them to my nipples. Gee, they hurt, but he distracted me from the pain by taking the trapped nipples in his mouth and running his teeth over them; that balanced out the pain. A few seconds later, I was moaning...there is no doubt that pain and pleasure mingle in my brain in a way I would never have anticipated.
He bent me over and spanked me a bit more, put his fingers inside me and fingered me roughly--if you read this blog, you should not be surprised that made me go nuts.
"My pussy, mine," he said.
"Yes, yours," I replied, not letting myself say the words in my head: I want to belong to you, I want you to own me. --I just can't let myself say that outloud, not yet, just like I can't imagine calling him Sir or Master--maybe one day, or maybe not--I am loving giving this man power over me, but I am not completely comfortable with how good that feels--and I don't really understand WHY this is working out so well--and yet, am loving that it is.

(Of course, I am still waiting to be restrained, tied to the door, gagged, blindfolded, and whipped.Also waiting to be cuffed to the bed, held down, spread-eagled, with Z about to do anything he wises (and with safe words and some rocks to throw as a stop signal). I want those experiences to change me, to mark me, and to give me a chance to feel some powerful new things that will help me discover new edges in myself.)

Z, rising

Saw Z tonight, While I have been talking with some very interesting Doms, I think he's the one right now. He's so sweet, which may sound funny about a man who enjoys tying me up and spanking me, but he is. And he has this talent for using his hands in ways that make me shiver.
Some moments:
Z and I are on the couch, kissing. Under my white shirt, I am wearing a purple fishnet long sleeved top, and a sheer navy bra, plus jeans, sheer navy panties, heels. My big breasts look round under the clingy fishnet, wrapped like a present. R peels the shirt off and eyeballs my breasts. He attacks them, reaching his hands under the shirt to pinch and squeeze my nipples. He takes my breasts in his mouth and suckles them, making the nipples grow long and hard. I pull away, whip off the bra, and show him what the fishnet looks like over my breasts. It looks hot.
My nipples poke through like gumdrops, pink and erect.
He pulls me toward him and begins to hit me, slapping my cunt. The way he does it feels so good.
"Turn around and let me see your ass, " he orders.
I turn around and bend over the coach. He pulls my jeans down and looks at the sheet panties, then starts to spank me. Left, right, left, right--it hurts, but I bite my hand and say nothing.
I hope he will hit me harder.
Z tells me to take my jeans off and pulls me toward him.
He puts his fingers into my wet cunt, hot and juicy after all our foreplay, and shoves his hand inside me.
He's pushing hard against me. It feels so good, I don't want him to stop. I lean over the coach and moan. I know he can feel how hard my pussy is grabbing his hand. I come hard, his hand inside me and bow my head.
"Thank you."
After such pleasure I want to please him. We go in the bedroom and I give him a massage.
First the feet, then the hands, the legs, the back, the arms, the stomach and back. Finally, the backside.
This of course leads to touching his cock. In my hand, it stiffens and grows, becoming thick and hard.
"May I?"
I take off all my clothes and bend over him, taking his cock in my hand and rubbing my fingers up and down the shaft as I lick and tongue his balls. He moans.
I take his cock into my mouth, holding my fingers down against the bottom of the shaft as I take all of him into my wet and hungry mouth.
I suck and lick; he feels so responsive I know my pussy is getting wet again from the pleasure of sucking him.
Z moves against me and goes deep into the back of my throat. I gag a little but then relax, and have him inside my mouth.
"Come up and fuck me, " he says, so I move onto him, my legs straddling him so I half squat on the bed, his cock inside me, my head thrown back.
I've never used this position, tho I saw it in a porno film once, and it feels great--it fits our bodies together well.
Z reaches up and grabs both my breasts. He pulls and squeezes on the nipples, and just as he knew I would, my pussy clamps down tight around his cock.
"You are so wet," he says, and then he is moaning, coming and coming, and I am moaning because I come too, pushed over the edge by the intensity of his orgasm (and loving it).
We smile at one another, a little surprised, I think, that we have managed vaginal sex so successfully (he takes medication that causes some problems), but glowing with how good it was.

Tomorrow night I am going to go to his place and stay over for the first time.
All the paddles and floggers are there, the riding crop, the spreader bar, the rope, the butt plug, the nipple clamps, the clothes pins, the two-pronged dildo, the glass dildo and many of the vibrators.
So are the hooks where he can tie and restrain me, tie me up or down and do as he pleases.
So is my black leather collar with the big iron rings, and the leash he has never used but which he bought for me.
I have no idea what we will do tomorrow, but I am looking forward to it already.
I am spending the night.
There will be lots of time do whatever he likes.
Time to show how my pussy and ass, my breasts, mouth, hands and feet all belong to him, to be under his control and used for his pleasure.
Youhave no idea how much I am looking forward to this--and how long I have waited for it.

DOM=dominant

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Life with my hand

Since this blog is about my sexual life, I am going to write about masturbation. After all, I have had lots of practice in the past few weeks. On this trip I am on right now, it's me and my hand, no electrical devices.
So--
I masturbate 2X a day usually, at night before I go to sleep, and in the am when I get up.
Technique:

• Touch my clit, wet saliva, rubbing, two fingers inside myself, pinching nipples and pulling them.

Fantasies:

• Sucking R's cock, sucking X-husband's cock, sucking cocks of various men I have met or imagined
• Servicing two men who have me suck one's cock as the other fucks my ass--and who then come in my face
• Being with C, the Dom I met who didn't call--and being in display and used under his direction (he's good for some hot fantasies).
• Touching a woman under a man's direction
• Being beaten while tied up, and then sucking a cock and being fucked

4 months ago I was of a more vanilla persuasion, dreaming of men I met on Craig's List coming over for hot sex

8 months ago I was still more vanilla, dreaming of someone kissing my neck and putting his fingers inside me

On the road, no sex

Have been on the road for a week, travelling first for work, then for fun.
Unfortunately, I am too shy to find random strangers to have sex with in foreign Asian countries, though the idea is appealing.
So, it's the hand every night, and fantasies about R and about S, the Dom I had a drink with who melted away and never called after teasing me with seductive descriptions of everything he liked to do.
I have almost a week left in my trip, but don't know that there will be adventures of the sexual nature...