Thursday, July 28, 2005

Maybe D is the one

D and I had a picnic today, then came back to the house and made out.
We kissed and kissed.
(I think he's shy.)
After a while, I asked him when the Dominant came out.
"All in good time," he said.
We kissed some more.
He pulled my hair when he put his tongue in my mouth.
That turned me on.
Many kisses later, I asked if he'd spank me.
He did, right through my jeans.
It felt so good.
I brought him into my bedroom, rolled him over, and rubbed his back.
Massaged his feet and calves.
He was loving it.

We kissed some more after that.
And he spanked me again.
And I felt myself wanting to get wild
And felt myself holding back.
"I'm not sure if I want to go crazy or kick you out," I said.
He laughed. "We can save some things for later."

"Okay, but first, hold on a second..." I got on top of him and took off my shirt,
exposing the red lace bra encasing my 36DD breasts (I have great breasts).
His hands reach to cover them, and soon his mouth was on my nipples, kissing and sucking.
Soon after that his hands were pinching the sensitive flesh, alternatively suckling and tugging the nipples, making them grow longer and harder (this is a fetish guys have that totally turns me on!)

He grabbed both my breasts in his hands, caressing them and pulling them together as I leaned back against his legs, feeling his erection between my legs. I wanted to rip my clothes off, pull down his pants, suck his cock and do such wild things.

"I'm all wet. Touch this. Feel how smooth it is." He guided my hand inside his pants, onto his long throbbing cock.

He was right, the tip was slick and my hand easily slipped around it.

"Okay, this one thing,": I whispered and bent down and took his cock in my mouth, licking the shaft and teasing the end with my fingers. Then I took him fully in my mouth, deep and relaxed, feeling the length of him pressing against my cheek from the inside.

In a moment, I pulled my head back, laughed, and said "I could be so bad right now. But I am going to kick you out."

"Just wait--I am going to spank you and then I am going to fuck you," he whispered to me. "I want to pull your tits and make the nipples long, and spank them. And then, if you are a good little subbie, I will let you suck my cock before I fuck your face."

"Mmnn, that sounds great." I pulled back and smiled. "But now I am going to kick you out."

We made a date to get together next week, we kissed, and he left.
I was highly impressed that he did not try to make me blow him, screw him, or get him off in any way.
And that he wanted to save some things for next time.

What if D is the one, the one who can give me exactly what I want?
The one who can dominate me, with love, and push me--safely--right to the edge.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

D is for dominant

the one who is coming over tomorrow so we can have a picnic, with plum as the dessert.

Have I been well-used this month?

Well, I sucked the cocks of five different guys, two on a first date.
Let two guys fuck my face and spank me,
and had my pussy eaten enough times to begin to form an appreciate for technique.
I had my g-spot thrummed by four of the guys, and showed the fifth how to find it, and
was able to get fucked three times, by one sweet and enthusiastic guy, kinda vanilla, but good enough to make me come and come.

However, I am still waiting--have been waiting since May!--for Z to tie me up and whip me.

Still need to find someone I can care about and trust who can discipline me, dominate me in that way I find so sexy, and have real life rugged sex at the same time.

Yes, I want passion in my life.
I want to feel someone else's pulse beat, their erotic edge join mine and overcome me.

More about G and me

So it turns out that the way G makes his ambivalence about his marriage more bearable is to have special friends from time to time.
Guess I just became a special friend.
We made love again in the morning, and I really enjoyed it--probably the most of the 3 times.
What did we do?
Took our clothes off, got under the sheets, and touched.
His skin is smooth as powder.
I put G's cock in my mouth, and sucked it, licked his balls, flicked my fingers across his legs, tracing the veins across his penis.
As I sucked, he grew larger, and darker, as red and rusty as a deep burgundy rose.
He entered me from behind and we did it doggie style, with a little spanking (new to him, but I said I liked it), then we moved and I came and sat on top of him, head thrown back, breasts bouncing as he tugged my nipples.
I could feel him inside me, feel myself tightening, feel the energy between us as we moved harder and faster, more purposefully toward an edge.
His penis was angled into my g-spot and it felt sooo good.
When he came, I felt the small explosion inside my tight pussy, and I came again, right after he did, and we collapsed, and lay still, and kissed and cuddled.

Yes, we pleased each other very much...not bad for two people who had so little practice together.


i feel so much better now.....

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Sitting naked at the computer/G

G is checking in to his hotel, then coming back here to spend the night
The man wants to hug and kiss and cuddle
Sleep next to me and slip his cock in
Kiss my breasts and pinch the nipples
Rub my ass and touch my shoulders
Look at me and smile

And yeah, I am digging it
even if he flies away tomorrow...

Seeing G/horny

G and I are getting together.
He's spoken for, but I think he's developed a crush on me.
I have the hots for him.

Okay, in truth, I have the hots for what I imagine is his masterful love-making,
and my fantasy that because he is attached, as opposed to these pros I seem to
be dating, he'll be more eager to have that plain old long-neglected standby I seem unable to experience--good ol' fucking.

Yep, I would do almost anything to get laid.
Forget nipple clamps and spankings (yum), I want 6-9 inches of hot beef injection buried in a nice warm place.

Are we going to get it on?
I am going to prep the body parts as if, but in truth, I'm not sure--I would LOVE TO--but he is attached--
And as someone whose ex slipped out of the relationship on the thin legs of a friend turned affair, it cuts too close to home.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Well on my way to Slut 101

It doesn't seem like I can meet anyone who will screw me, but I have been slutting around like a princess.
Tonight I had drinks with guy I met online, a scientist type--we've been talking on the phone and this was the meet up. Within 2 hours, we ended up back at my place, making out. Soon after that we went into my bedroom and got nasty--okay, we didn't get nasty--we just had hot, enthusiastic oral sex, both ways--and it was lovely, warm, and sensual, and toe-curling and fun.
And what a talented tongue!
And fingers.
Nothing like feeling the compact, muscular fingers of an ex-soccer player caressing my body as his tongue creates new spaces on my flesh.
Seriously, he was talented.
And it felt sooo good.

Funny snippet: Guy in bedroom about to put on his clothes saying "At least your dog isn't the jealous type...He doesn't seem to have a problem with me coming over."
Me: "Well, you know, we got him when I was married...He's used to, uh, sharing."

Friday, July 22, 2005

The Dom's Kitchen

So I got an email from a local Dom whom I had asked: How would you want to begin with me?
He wrote me a very sexy email describing how he'd have me undress and touch me.
He says:
" When I find your clit I will lightly stroke it and I hope you will respond by rocking your hips to meet my strokes. I will lick your sweet juice from my fingers. I might bring you close to orgasm at this time, teasing you with the pleasure we both seek.
Then I will order you to kneel and hold my hardening manhood in your hands and lick it all over. When You have made me hard you will take me in your mouth and show me how much you want to give me pleasure but I will not cum in your mouth, but I will save that for later. If you are agreeable to all this I might bind your wrists and your breasts. A bound woman is very sexy for me. By this time I like to let the moment dictate my actions. I want to learn to read you and so I will not be harsh with you but I will be sensual and sexual. You will put a condom on me before I enter your hopefuly wet and willing pussy. I will also explore your anal opening with a gloved finger and lubricant. I do love anal sex!!"

He sends a picture. (See above).
What kind of person would get involved with a man whose kitchen looks like this?
What kind of person doesn't realize their kitchen is terrifying?

No thank you were my polite words (as I howled with laughter at the keyboard.)

Thursday, July 21, 2005


No word for K.
D called off our date.
The other guys sounded wierd.

Where is that man I am waiting for?

I am getting frustrated.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005


Went out with K last night.
Dinner and talk about D/s.
He's been into it for a while, but seems fairly conservative in his behavior.
Generous with insights and advice.
We ended up at my place, kissing passionately (we both love to kiss).
Of course, we did more than kiss--
But much less than we might do, someday.
Woke up with a big smile.
I like him.

On the couch

On the couch, my breasts in your face, my nipples in your mouth.
You: Sucking, biting, tugging.
Me: Smiling, moaning.

On the couch, your cock in my mouth.
Me: Licking, tonguing, sucking.
You: Eyes closed, moaning.

On the couch, your hand inside me.
You: Pushing, thrusting, touching.
Me: Screaming.

It felt so good.
When can I see you again?

Sunday, July 17, 2005


I am so confused about how to get what I want--which means I am confused about what I want.
On one hand, I just want to get fucked and have some wonderful vaginal sex--on the other hand, I want to meet someone I can see more than once and care about, at least as a friend.
I just stood up--more to less--this guy I met online--didn't follow through to confirm our plans--because I am uncomfortable with wanting to screw him.
On the other hand, I want to screw him.
I keep answering guys' ads, but the percentage I talk with is small, and the percentage I agree to meet--and then meet--is tiny,
And it takes forever!!!

Saturday, July 16, 2005


Z was here tonight, horny.
He pulled me to him on the couch, pulled my shirt back and suck and bit my nipples.
I gasped with the pain, but it felt so good!
He knows just how to touch me--and as he sucked my nipples, I fondled his stiffening cock through his pants, that always feels erotic.
Within a few minutes we were naked and I was sucking his cock.
He moaned loudly as I worked him over, but he was too soft to come inside me, and
he didn't come.
After a while he took me into the bedroom, laid me down and did a great job eating my pussy.
After I screamed for a bit, he put his fingers inside me.
"Would it be okay if I turned over?"I asked, meaning I wanted to go onto my stomach, ass in the air, into what I know is the completely submissive pose.
"Sure," he said, and there I was, as bound to him as if I were roped, gasping with pleasure as his fingers filled me, pushing at my G-spot as my flesh gripped his hand.

Aside from the fact this guy can't fuck, the sex was hot.
If Z could tie me up and spank me every time, and fuck me once in a while, happiness would be mine.

Thursday, July 14, 2005


I meet you online.
We have coffee and you come back to my place.
Inside, I drop to my knees, unzip your pants, and pull out your cock.
It is large and heavy, with a big tip.
I ask you if I can take in my mouth.
When I touch you, I smell your light odor of sweat, felt the lightly throbbing vein on the side of your pink, straining flesh, then swallow you whole and begin to suck.
I can feel the salt rather than taste it as your hips arch against me and your hand steadies yourself against the back of my head.
I know you are looking down at a woman you have just met, full-bodied and round, who is taking you deep inside her mouth, teasing you with her tongue, and it makes you so hot.
When I lightly rake your balls with my fingers, exploring their texture, you jump, then relax into me,
"Come to the couch," you say.
We move and you open my blouse, discovering my breasts, touching them with your hands, smiling with delight. You bend your head and suck on the nipples, teasing with your tongue.
"Bite me,"I say, and you clamp down on the nipple, hard, giving me a pleasure completely mixed with pain.
The pain makes me want you and I arch my back and you sense it and everything speeds up.
Moments that stand out:
When we screw you hold my hands with yours, keeping me down.
Your cock is thick and I love the feeling of it inside me.
You push me legs back, inside me so deep, riding toward my g- spot.
Before you come, you slap my breasts and squeeze the nipples and the pain you deliver makes my pussy spasm in a way that grips you so tight it is only seconds till you come.
When we are done, you lie still for a moment, still inside me.
I feel the weight of you, your sweat on the small of your back.
"That was amazing,"you say. "Did you like it?"

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

from Until Sunrise

this is so erotic: "...the best way to explore your clit would be with my tongue; it's somehow more intimate, and more sensual, and frees my fingers to spread you open and feel you clenching around them. That's an amazing sensation, when I know you're so horny that you thrust your hips forward and squeeze my fingers hard, wanting them deeper inside you. There's strength in those muscles, but it comes wrapped in the softest of packages, and it would turn me on more than you can imagine to feel you grip me as I fuck you."

I wish I had someone who would do this to me.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Some whine with that

Why are all the cute ones psychotic!!!!!!

What Plum told the Dom

This is what I emailed back to the would-be Dom:

"This is way too fast for me.
I'm probably a poor choice for you,
because I'd have to know you and want to please you before I could
even consider calling you Sir or Master and submitting to you at this
level--there's no way I could make that decision--or want to--about
someone who I just met in an email 24 hours ago.

Also, I don't want to be a slave--I didn't make this clear, but I
consider myself more of a sensual submissive, someone who is
interested in D/s as part of an emotional and sexual relationship with
a specific person. Given that I have little experience, how could it
be otherwise unless I was a masochist, which I am not?

So while you're right, this is a sexually stimulating email, it sounds
like we want to move at very different paces, and perhaps from
somewhat different places--I wish you luck in finding the slave you

How many ways can you say take a hike, bud?

(Somehow it seems like the knowledge base of ridiculous dating experiences is accelerating)

Email from a prospective Dom
Just got this email from a man I have never met or spoken to on the phone, who emailed me for the first time just 24 hours ago---(edited for length)

"I have enough experience as a Master to show you the way I want you to go. I can feel that thinking about this type of relationship is having an effect on you, it makes you excited. you want it, no you need it, you always needed this type of relationship and you know that deep inside. Now it has been described, you can almost taste it, but it is just a beginning, will you enjoy being used, how would you like to be used how will I use you for my pleasure and what pleasure will you get out of being used......

I know that on the plane ride home tomorrow you will be staring at the page of your book but you will be thinking about what it will be like to serve. your mind will be filled with visions of slavedom and anticipation of meeting your new Masters needs. Will you be able to please him, what will he do if he is not satisfied with your efforts. How exactly will he use you. You will be staring at the page but your mind will be wandering and your pussy will be getting damper and wetter the longer you ponder.

For instance for my pleasure you will be required to adopt "the position" at any time and immediately. Kneeling in front of your Master with your back to him, face on the floor, hands under your face, knees spread wide apart, ass stuck up as high as you can manage in the air, presented for my viewing pleasure, skirt hitched up and panties removed your butt and cunt naked, available and vulnerable. You will remain in that position until given permission to move. What will I use you for in that position, will I just mount you and ride your ass or your dripping wet cunt. Do you self lubricate easily...if not as you get into the position part of the ritual will be to grease yourself with a liberal amount of lubricant to make both holes accessible, you will do everything you can to please your Master ...Me....

Will I amuse myself by inserting objects inside your holes just to see you squirm and enjoy the look of embarrassment on your face.....or maybe I just use your ass as an ottoman and put my feet up and relax while I read a long book.

your tits .......your big bouncy tits, have you ever had them bound? tied up so tight that they look purple and angry, about to will!!! and they will be spanked too, they will be spanked when bound and when flopping around as my mood dictates...... it is not just your ass that is in for a spanking but your tits and your cunt...all need to be disciplined.
So yes we should meet for coffee.....but no I don't agree it doesn't just happen. It does and it has, you will address me as Sir in any and all further correspondence, and Master or Sir when we are alone together, in public you may address me as Steve. But only when we can be overheard by others.

When we are having our first coffee meeting you will still show me the respect I would get if I were to become your Master and if we decide on first meeting to go no further then so be it.
If we decide we want to meet again, you will be spanked on your bare bottom on our second meeting, remember this if and when you agree to meet with me again. I agree there are aspects of a D/s relationship that should not be practiced until exclusivity is agreed upon, and common sense will prevail. However time is required before that committment is made and you will have to prove yourself a worthy slave before that honor is bestowed on you.

So think long and hard on your plane trip home. Think of a place to meet for coffee, the choice I will leave up to you. Have the mindset that if we both decide to meet for a second time you will end the evening with a smarting red bottom. So a decision to meet twice is a decision that you want to present your bare bottom for my pleasure. If you feel that you need to wait for a third meeting before presenting your bare bottom for my pleasure then you have lost your chance with this Master.
Have a safe and thoughtful trip home.

So--this man wants me to Sir him and Master him in my email and we have never spoken or met?
I don't think so. Nope, No way, no how.

And be his slave?
What the hell for?


(Somehow it seems like the knowledge base of ridiculous dating experiences is accelerating)

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Thoughts on limits and D/s

Have been thinking about my experience with P. last week.
What turned him on was dominating me--having a woman--and eventually, a very naked woman--obey his commands as he pushed her to limits of what she would allow--and ordered her to do what HE wanted within that framework.
That mindset explains why he did not want to kiss, nor cuddle when we finished--
I could be a good, obedient girl--but his pleasure was not about being with me, his pleasure was around a feeling I helped supply.
On that level, I could be anyone, kind of.
This is a subtle shift in the dynamic but one I didn't see so clearly before.
This experience adds resonance to R's statements he only wants to dominate someone he is already close with and committed to--that's closer to what I want as well, I guess.

I also wonder if P would have beaten me to a pulp if I'd said he could--or left bruises everywhere.
On one hand, he was a perfect gentleman, who did NOTHING--except for those awful pinches in the car--that I did not allow--on the other hand, his pleasure in giving pain--and having women accept it--was unquestionable.

Yep, that night has given me a lot to think about.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Somebody f**k me, please

Yes, getting laid is impossible.
Since I broken up with the life partner in February, I have had vaginal intercourse exactly 3 times--once with said life partner, twice with R.
This is pathetic.

And the worst thing is, I have NO IDEA how to actually meet someone to do the deed with--what is that about?
Okay, my post-spouse experience has been very limited, but even still....I am frustrated beyond belief.

Someone, tell me what to do to work this out without ending up with:
--A total asshole
--A man who wants to do my ass or get a blow job
--Someone who doesn't want to kiss or get too involved--they're into some kind of *scene*

This situation is driving me insane...

More on masturbation

Since the breakup of my marriage, I've become a compulsive masturbator--two or three times a day is typical, whereas it was 4-5 times a week when I was married.
I've only started using toys since Z showed me how--the big purple vibrator that goes right to my g spot is a particular favorite for earth shattering orgasms.
But my fantasies are starting to run out of gas.
I think about two men--nah.
A man and his cum slave and me--nah.
The Dom who ordered me to come when I touched myself and bit my nipples till I yelped----nah(tho that has some potential).
It is so long since Z and I have had vigorous sex I can't use that.
It's a problem.
I definitely need something new to think about.
It's a shame when jerking off starts to feel almost as difficult as getting laid--and in my world, getting laid has somehow become IMPOSSIBLE.

Bruises--and limits

So I have learned an invaluable lesson--with a modium of pain--it is my job to set my own limits.

I emailed P, giver of bruises, and said I was uncomfortable with his sadism and my gut told me to call a halt to seeing him.

His response: I enjoyed seeing you--but you need to set your own limits.

He's right.
So, I think I just got off easy...and learned something I will remember for the go forward.
Thanks, P.

Friday, July 08, 2005

My bruises

Two , no three, bruises on my inner thigh, courtsey of P pinching my leg--hard--in the car.
One is red, the other two are deep purple with a twinge of yellow.
They scare me.
This man gave me painful bruises before I even told him he could hurt me.
He gave me bruises that marked me when he supposedly didn't mean to--and when I'd told him no marks.
When we had sex, he was a gentleman and did nothing I did not agree to--
But what if he is waiting for me to agree he can hurt me more--or if he loses control and does it anyway?
Yep, this Dom is a sadist.
And I'm scared of that.
I think I need to pack it in.
And yet, the danger excites me.

Do I wait till he hurts me to acknowledge what I know is true?
Or pretend it's not true so I can push the edge?

I am unsure.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Wi.ld Monkey sex with P--But....

I met P tonight, the Dom I was so excited about.
I had this fantasy we would fall passionately in love--or at least lust.
He left 5 minutes ago, and now I want to sort out what I feel.
It ain't love.

First of all, P is married.
He says his wife knows he's not monogamous and he wants a girlfriend.
Someone he can have sex with--and talk to.
The thing is, P doesn't seem very spontaneous.
We had sex, and it was sex.
It was not playful or expressive in any way.
He dominated me.
He put clothes pins on my breasts.
He put them on my clit and my pussy lips.

His thing was pain...going for the most intense stimulation possible.
He didn't want to kiss me, he didn't seem to want to fuck me--he had a script he got off on--
making me come
making me make myself come
leaning over me staring into my eyes watching my face
then having me suck his cock and lie down so he could fuck my face.

But he never let me touch his cock.
He held it and jerked himself off and came in my mouth.

In other words, he behaved kind of like a guy who'd made rules about what he would and would not do (but he got brownie points for bring lots of rubbers).

After we had sex, he was ready to leave.
To be honest, I was ready to have him go.
We talked about going out on Saturday night--to a sex cub--just to watch--but I am not sure I want to go.

What bothers me about P?
Two things:
a) I have the sense he could really hurt me if I let him..he is a sadist and proud of it...and that scares me.
b) It didn't feel that felt more like he was into a certain kind of role playing--but, hey I am not really sure.

I WAS a total slut in the car with him.
I showed him my breasts, took my panties off, kept my legs spread...I was definitely a submissive slut.
And he made me cal him Sir.

But the deeper sense of connection was missing.
It was the first time, but I'm not sure he'squite what I am looking for.

(And having said that, might I mention his is the second cock I have sucked since my marriage broke up? And that, while a tad on the small size, it's shape and circumference and general trim were very pleasing?)

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Men, the prospects

P--High energy executive, so called open marriage--he sounds great
A--Younger Indian guy, somewhat dominant and very cute
D--Older man, exec type, meeting for dinner tomorrow
S--Scientist, bearded, sounds interesting
J--Married and unhappy-think I am going to pass on this one
S--Writer/intellectual; sounds a bit obsessive--pass

Maybe by next week, I could be having great sex with one or two of them--that could be great.


Z has said it is okay with him if I see other men, even though he would prefer not to know.
His reasons have to do with his inability to f*ck me because of the medication he takes.
My reasons have to do with a general frustration with a lack of sex because of his health, AND
my need to experiment after being in one LOOONNNGGG relationship for most of my life--and nothing else.
The one thing he wanted was that there be no D/s with anyone else.
He was pretty adamant about that.
So, I am taking action.
I have dates with two men who share my interest in D/s--dinner with one tomorrow night, drinks with another on Thursday.
After those two, I will not date--or look for--any men who want to practice D/s.
However, I am very interested in one of these guys and am going to have to figure out how to have sex with him--if I like him in person as much as via email--without his leaving marks (this seems impossible).
I think I am ready to take the next step and become a more sexual being again--a more active sexual being.
It would be so great to find someone I could enjoy being with and have this amazing, endless horniness be resolved for a bit.