Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Seeing the other guy(s)--and Z

Friday I am meeting the new possible guy for a drink.
Very curious about him..we've talked on the phone a good bit and he seems very nice...we sound compatible.
And my out of state friend is coming to town..we'll spend time together--So the next ten days could include (will include) sex with people other than Z...but sex with Z, as well, of course.
My last playtime with Z was so tremendous, I haven't posted about all the things we did, but it was great--he turns me on so much and we can be so in sync.
On the other hand, after all those years with one person, I just can't let myself be exclusive right now--I am debating how direct to be with Z about these other men...I think he prefers a don't ask, don't tell sort of scenario and I am the more direct sort--but I don't want to hurt him--or lie. (I won't lie.)

Thinking about adventures

Do I want to try out group sex?
I do.
But I have no idea how to get started.
I'm thinking I need a partner, someone I trust, to be there.
Anyone have any advice?

Monday, November 28, 2005

Another squirter is born

Chelsea Girl is now squirting too--only her post is so much funner.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Shocking but true--a 10 (sex) things meme

Via figleaf from Orange at Orange Tangerine: 10 questions with (my) answers:

  • I lost my virginity in the maid's room at a suburban party in high school. My friend's mother found the used condom in the waste basket and went crazy--but she didn't know it was me.
  • In HS, I got drunk one night and decided to give my close friend L(female) an orgasm--since she never had one. After I went down on her (unsuccessfully) I spent the rest of the night puking in the toilet bowl.
  • I had a threesome with my best friend and a guy I was dating in college, but she and I barely touched--he made love to us both.
  • I was faithful to my soon to be ex husband for 31 years...since I was 20. I slept with about 6 guys before him.
  • I have been in love with two gay/bisexual men; I dated one of the for over a year (pre X-husband).
  • I have had sexual experiences with 5 guys since my X and I split in 2005, but have had intercourse with only two of them, and have only had sex with two of them more than twice (guess which two)?
  • I have never slept with anyone who is not white, but I think East Indian men look amazingly hot.
  • I've never had a real relationship with a woman, but as a non-active bisexual, I'd like to.
  • My first full S&M/BDSM experience was this year and my primary relationship now is with a dominant(as everyone who reads this blog can see.)
  • I have never had group sex, but am curious about it.
And you?

Saturday, November 26, 2005


After what seemed like hours of sex, including a g-spot vibrator strapped inside me as we did all sort of things with rope, cuffs, clamps, flogger and more, Z and I took all the toys out, I came atride him, and we screwed. After all the stimulation, it felt so good to have him inside me, and as my pussy clamped down around him, I could feel my orgasm build in waves. Just before Z came, and then as Z came, I came as well, feeling incredibly excited--only this time, I squirted, major--first time ever for real.
Afterwards, Z described what it felt like for him to feel me come, the curtain of wetness and release. And then we looked at this HUGE wet spot on the bedsread..far more than just a little come.
It was intense....and fun.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

"in a few hours I am going over to R's hour so he can hurt me"

So I am going over to Z's house in a few hours so we can play before Thanksgiving dinner with his family.
To put it another way, in a few hours I am going over to Z's hour so he can hurt me.
And we both can get off from his doing that.
I feel a little scared..while Z would never really hurt me...I see how a more hardcore dynamic is entering our sex life.
I like pain, and I like D/s, and I trust Z, so I am willing to do--or talking about someday doing-- all sorts of things that--when practiced by other people--sound too edgy (fisting, candle wax, figging, throat fucking and gagging, breath play, for example).
But is there a line with Z I shouldn't let myself cross?
And how would I know till I got there?

Fingered by Z

Last night Z was here. We were on the couch, and he put his hand inside my pants, reached for my pussy, and stroked his way inside. As he touched and fingered me, he watched my face, gauging response. With his other hand, he stroked my breasts and held my throat.
As Z touched me, I could feel myself opening to him, wider and wider, and as he rubbed my g-spot, I moved my hips. It felt so good.
More and more of his hand reached up inside, tugging, caressing, rubbing, teasing, but I knew (from past experience) there was no way he was going to fuck me--No, he was going to enjoy driving me crazy, demonstrating his control and ability to make me come multiple times.
After he'd made me sufficently (but not completely) insane, he told me to get on the couch and pull down my pants.
I bent over and first he inserted the knobbed Pyrex butt plug, then he proceeded to give me a spanking harder than I've had in weeks--not only on my ass, but on my hips, my inner thighs, my lower back, and my pussy. It hurt! As Z spanked me with one hand, he fingered me with the other, then fucked my ass with the plug (I was so turned on, this was easy).
Finally, he put fingers from both his hands inside me--one set hooked on my g-spot, the other fucking my pussy and rubbing against the (still inserted) plug from inside.
I must have come 10 times,but when I asked if I could suck his cock, he said no.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Z and I are asleep in bed; I'm naked

It's Sunday morning Z and I are asleep in bed; I'm naked and my hips curve against him as I cuddle the pillow. z turns and reaches for me,
His hands caresses my breasts, touch the tips and trace the full roundness of each globe.
Growling, Z pulls me closer, tight against him, till I am tucked right against his chest.
Gentlely, he turns me over and strokes me like a cat, long, gentle caresses down my sides and along my arms, gentle tugs and touches at my neck, my throat.
"Turn over" he says, pushing my legs apart so his hand can stroke my pussy.
"Open your legs," he says, his hand teasing the lips, wiggling its teasing way inside,
playing till I move my hips and arch against him, it feels so good.
"You little slut, you always want to come, don't you?" he says, and puts two fingers into a space that is now hot and getting wet, a space where I hold him as he holds me, his other hand holding my breasts.
Z works me till I come, and then till I come again. He watches closely as I sigh and moan and move--hard--against his hand.
"You belong to me, I control you," he says, and I agree because his touching me feels so good, because I am so completely turned on by both what he is doing and the idea of pleasing this man.
"Yes, yes," I sob, "Ohhhh, that feels so good!" and when he tells me to come for him, that he wants me to feel me come, I let myself go as much as I possible can and have my own small explosions under his hand, again and again and again.
Z take fingers out and puts then in my mouth.
Obediently, I lick them clean.
He kisses me deeply, puts his arms around me and says " I love to make you come. It gives me such pleasure to feel your body explode in warm ripples and waves."
"You give me such happiness," I say, and curl against him, thinking of the other things I hope we will do later in the day.

Thinking about: Group Sex

I've always said that I am not into sharing, but lately I have been thinking about threesomes and foursomes and more...and I realized that part of my shyness is that I have almost no experience having sex in front of other people--or with more than one person at the same time.
Wanting to experience that makes me want to find a way to try it--but it also makes me feel shy.
I would imagine that having sex with group can vary depending on whether you know them all well or whether the whole point is to have anonymous sex. For me, I think I'd be more interested in acting out with some people I knew--or could know--the anonymous stuff is stimulating, but something I can see keeping more as a fantasy than a reality.
Right now, my free time is so filled with seeing Z--and G is coming to visit in December--I don't know that I have the means to act on these impulses, but I am thinking about it....it would be interesting to meet someone who was into more of a sharing scene and experiment with them a bit...and have it be great, of course!

(Note: This concept doesn't have any significant BDSM in it--goal here would be sensuality and fun.)

Thursday, November 10, 2005

A fantasy: this is what we love

You collar me and blindfold my eyes.
Later, there may be a silken gag.
I feel you tie my hands and push me into the bed and I wince as you clamp my nipples tight.
As you push me down, I feel your hands caress me,
the pink flesh growing red.
You bend, and your tongue flicks the pearl of my clit
and I wish you could swallow me, whole.
Your mouth is on me and your tongue, inside.
As I bend toward you, arching with pleasure,
you lube my ass and insert the plug.
The pain makes me gasp
but when you put two fingers inside me, hot and wet,
I want more of your hand, the hand squeezing me, probing as it caresses,
making me want you to fill me, to possess me some more.
Soon there is a vibrator and a gag,
and then you are spanking my ass, rubbing the skin to savor the red,
then hitting the riding crop against my skin.
By the time you put your cock inside me
I am ready to cry
ready to scream with the pleasure of having you fill me
of feeling your slick wetness against my hot skin
Of knowing I belong to you
and this is what we love.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

A new life

This is probably a good moment to stop and remember that I started this blog as a place to write about sex and sexuality as I became newly single. Between the first post and now, I've not only become a more sexually expressive and confident person, I've become a kinkier and more liberal one--As much as I'm committed to my relationship with Z, I'm not monogamous to him, he knows that (and accepts it), and I'm much more curious that I had been in the past--more open to new ideas, and things (literally). I've also met many great people in the blogosphere who have been sources of friendship and inspiration--and that's really mattered.

On the couch this morning

After I sucked his cock, and he stood over me and fucked my face till he came, Z put his hands inside me and I got so excited I begged hin to fist me.
I begged.

Will I ever say Master to Z?

"I belong to you."
"You own me."
"I want you to possess me."
I will do whatever you want."
"I am your slut."
In the heat of passion it's easy to feel--and say--these things to Z. He says I am a good submissive because I never say no, and I do everything he wants--but we both know that I am not submissive in the most usual sense and that someone who wanted to dominate and control a woman all the time would not like to be with me. We were in bed last week, and Z was describing how his past experiences with other subs--especially the non-professional ones--were different. Apparently, some of the women were into degredation (one wanted him to piss on her), a few had slave fantasies, and more then one called him Master--(or Sir--which he hated).
Then there's me, a confident woman with an emerging submissive streak, looking for a man where D/s can be a big part of our power exchange and dynamic--sometimes I feel like Kate in The Taming of the Shrew, not like some meek little subbie--and yet, in bed and in all things sexual--I love submitting to Z. Not like it--love it.
And am starting to crave it.
But I have not yet--and probably never will--call him Master--and I will never ask for him to degrade me, though I'd probably let him take things pretty far if that was what he wanted.
It's an interesting mix to think about--the ways in which he controls me--and yet, the way that he has that power only because I let him, because I give it up to him so that we can both enjoy his possessing me.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

The orgasms are amazing

Z and I make love for hours. When we are done, we lie side by side and talk and cuddle, but then talking makes us aroused, and we go at it again.
We haven't seen each other for a week, and the intensity is amazing.
As Z touches me, reaching inside me to stroke the g-spot, my body opens to him and once again,
for the second time, he has four fingers inside me, almost a whole hand.
As he caresses me, I push against him, experimenting with pushing out against his hand as well as contracting in, which is what I usually do.
With Z's fingers inside me, wrapped around my skin--I feel waves and waves of sensation--an orgasm that just builds until I want to scream, until I have that smoothed out like paper feeling I like so much, the utter peacefulness of having your brains blown.
Later, Z tells me what it felt like for him:"It was like being wrapped in some sort of silk, or velvet," he says. "The feel of your soft flesh against my skin, the way your body was rhythmically pulsing, squeezing against me, I've never felt anything quite like it."
We're at the stage where we're so close, we're making all sort of discoveries.
Everything feels special and unique.
We feel lucky--I feel lucky.
And the orgasms are amazing.