Sunday, November 06, 2005

Will I ever say Master to Z?

"I belong to you."
"You own me."
"I want you to possess me."
I will do whatever you want."
"I am your slut."
In the heat of passion it's easy to feel--and say--these things to Z. He says I am a good submissive because I never say no, and I do everything he wants--but we both know that I am not submissive in the most usual sense and that someone who wanted to dominate and control a woman all the time would not like to be with me. We were in bed last week, and Z was describing how his past experiences with other subs--especially the non-professional ones--were different. Apparently, some of the women were into degredation (one wanted him to piss on her), a few had slave fantasies, and more then one called him Master--(or Sir--which he hated).
Then there's me, a confident woman with an emerging submissive streak, looking for a man where D/s can be a big part of our power exchange and dynamic--sometimes I feel like Kate in The Taming of the Shrew, not like some meek little subbie--and yet, in bed and in all things sexual--I love submitting to Z. Not like it--love it.
And am starting to crave it.
But I have not yet--and probably never will--call him Master--and I will never ask for him to degrade me, though I'd probably let him take things pretty far if that was what he wanted.
It's an interesting mix to think about--the ways in which he controls me--and yet, the way that he has that power only because I let him, because I give it up to him so that we can both enjoy his possessing me.

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