Thursday, April 27, 2006


Because of some issues in Z's life, there's been very little BDSM in our life together recently, and not much pain. And not much sex.
I incredibly miss the feeling of Z dominating me...the power of his hand on my throat, slapping my breasts, shoving a hand between my thighs.
For this reason, I have been asking my other partner, D, to be rougher--but good as it is, it is just not the same.
Z, I long for you touching me, mastering me, controlling me.
I miss your touch, your power, your love.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

This past weekend: Milestones

  • Had sex in a room with four snoring people
  • Had sex in a room with another couple doing the same thing on a different mat
  • Watched a femdom spank her slave (and god, he is hot!)
  • Watched the femdom, her dominant male partner and the slave work over a cute female submissive--lots of clamps, floggers, lips, tongues, hands involved--the screaming was delicious.
  • Took off my shirt and allowed my bare breasts to be tied in a Shibari-style rope corset and paraded around for an hour or two
  • Fondled by a couple
  • Made out with the (gorgeous) and irresistable male slave
  • Was propositioned by four different men
  • Talked about BDSM and submission with a whole group of people, real time
  • Told people I was D/s submissive with one of my partners (but not the other)

However, I passed on the orgy, heading off for private time with D, instead.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Hot, hot, hot

I feel his erection, hard, against my thigh, as he rolls my nipple between his fingers.
He bends his head and scapes it with his teeth, and shivers go up my spine.
Soon, he's stroking my pussy, pulling the lips apart, circling his finger inside.
The heat rises off me, I want him, and I want him to dominate me, here, right now,
but I say nothing and bend obediently as be pulls off his pants and lies back on the bed.
Without being told, I bend down and take his cock deep into my mouth, take him into my whole, feel him stiffen and grow against the back of my throat.
I let him fuck my face and get really hard, until he says "I want to fuck your pussy and see how many times I can make you come."
And then he does.
And then, I do.
And then...

Sunday, April 16, 2006

What Z said

Z and I are on the phone because we're unable to get together.
Here's what he says to me:
"I'm thinking about you in the camisole and panties I got you and how I want to bend you over the sofa and push the lace of those panties aside and ram my cock into you. I want to feel you squirt all over my cock, and then I want to pull out and spank your ass with my hand, and with the flogger till it's bright red, and then use your come as lube and shove my cock into your ass and fuck you and pull out and come all over your huge tits.
And I want you to wear your collar, and your leash, and I want to pull your head up and around so you have to watch me explode all over your body.
Would you like that? Would you?"

Oh yes, I tell Z, and think Master.
God, I miss him dominating me.

Another night with D

At D's, again, making love at 4 o'clock in the morning. This time he's more dominant; he holds me down, pinning my arms as he thrusts into my hot, wet pussy. "You like that, slut?" he asks. "I'm holding you down so you can't move. I want to feel you come on my cock, I want to shoot my cum inside you..." He's mad passionate, humping away, and, as always, it feels so good and I'm so eager, so aroused, and that moment when he stiffens and arches and comes is just the best thing ever and it pushes me over the edge and makes me come again, and we melt together and collapse, and lie there in an absence of space that is the embodiment of being relaxed, and then we roll away from one another a little and reach for the tissues, but before he can use his, I take his cock in my mouth and lick it clean, one of those true slut tricks I have such affection for.
In a little while, I will be asleep, curled with my ass against his side and his arm draped over my hip, feeling so warm and safe and loved.
Yes, I am a slut. And geeze, it's good.

Seeing Bear

So it's going to happen--I am going to see Bear again, in the not too far off future. I'm always suprised at the chord my brief time with Bear struck in me, and at how connected we seem to be, still, across the distance.

(I spoke to D about my wanting to see Bear, and he said :"I don't believe that any of us can only love one person..if you want to see him, it's fine with me." For a while, it didn't seem like the right time to try to see Bear, but now I am so much looking forward to our reconnecting.)

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Am I a sex addict--or just having a great time?

Whaddya think?
Sex addict or having fun?

Monday, April 10, 2006


We're in bed, early morning. R's hands creep down my side and stroke my pussy. Gently, he parts my legs, twirls his hand on my pubes and slips a finger inside. Soon, he has three fingers inside me, pounding my g-spot as I open wide, his other hand holding my mouth closed.
Then, he's beside the bed, peeling his pjs off, shoving his cock into my mouth and thrusting against m, hard and fast till I choke.
His hands hold my chin, stroke my throat, angle my mouth so he pushes into my throat deep into the back, the grip my hair as he drives into my tongue, his hard cock fucking my face. When he's ready, he pushes me over and lies back on the bed.
"Ride me," he commands. "Fuck me."
I climb aboard and smile with pleasure as I feel my pussy settle and tighten around his cock. He's throbbing and hard and I'm used and wet and I want to feel him scream and come, knowing how his pleasure will please me.
"Ride me,slut, ride me," he says, and he gasps as I bob up and down, my pussy muscles tightening around his rod, grabbing and clutching in a dance we both feel until suddenly his back arches and he starts to come.
"It's your breasts, "he gasps, as he shoots hot cum deep into my pussy. "Your big, hot breasts bouncing up and down..."
I smile and slip off him. It's my breasts you see, and my hips and my arms, my legs, my neck and my toes. My hair, my head, my hips, my eyes, my mouth, my ass, my toes--You see, the man owns me, he's obsessed with me, addicted, and after a year together there's no place he hasn't come, no hole he hasn't fucked, no way I wouldn't beg and call him Master if he wanted.
There are no markings, no collar, no rules, but we both know I belong to him...and he makes sure I want to always remember, always crave him, always submit.
Words I didn't understand a year ago--words that capped off my transformation into a proud submissive slut, a sweet slut princess, the wanton whore who will give her Master anything he wants.

Sunday, April 09, 2006


I'm in D's bed, in his house, with the moon coming in the skylight as the rain beats down.
It's 1 am and he's fucking me, holding my hands down, thrumming against my g-spot as I thust my hips up and moan, as I squirt and come hard on his cock as he's fucking me, as I come and squirt and come again and D moans, low in his throat and comes hard inside me.
And then it's 4 am and we're sleeping naked, under the heavy blanket, on the warm flannel sheets, and I turn in the night and D turns with me and soon I am awake, feeling him growing hard against my leg, and then he's pushed me across the bed and we're doing it from behind and he's talking a blue streak: "Do you like that, do you like it, you cumslut, you? Do you wish you had a big cock to suck as I fucked you from behind? I can see you sucking another cock, and then another, till they cum in your face as I come in your cunt. Would you like that, you cumslut? Would you like that?"
"Is that what you'd like, D?" I say. "Do you want to see your woman suck a bunch of other guys? Is that what you like?"
We're going at it in the dark, and D is wailing away, and I'm smiling inside, thinking about how I've never had group sex, never slept with more than one guy at a time, but I know D thinks I'm so hot, that he's getting off on all the sexual energy his fantasy is generating, and that I'm learning something about him I didn't know before: Baby boy is turned on by the sexual energy of the crowd, he gets off on the multi-layer think, and it could be just a matter of time before these situations come up in real life for us, instead of in the dirty talk of his late night mind.

Thursday, April 06, 2006


"Spank me."
I am with Z, after far too long, in his house, in his bed, my panties off, bottom offered. His heavy hands hold me fast and spank me hard, again and again. It hurts like a motherfucker, but I want it, want his fingers inside me from one hand while he smacks me with the other.
Z, Master of delicious pain, lover and friend--it feels so good to be with him again, to see him get so excited he drags me to the edge of the bed and his cock is thrusting in my mouth as he spanks me more.
Soon, I am on the bed, on my back, legs pushed open, and Z is inside me, his hand on my throat as he fucks me hard, as all his love and his fury about other men slams right into me. "Mine," he growls, pushing inside. "You belong to me."
Later, he gets the lube and comes inside my ass, pushing and thrusting his weight down hard in a way that makes me gasp.
"I own all your holes," he said. "All of them."
"Yes,"I say tenderly."Master."
If only I had more time with him, if only we could be like this more, together, if only his health was better, if only...

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Talking dirty

"You horny slut," D says. "You want my hard cock inside you, don't you? You want to come all over my cock, isn't that right?"
D's inside me, thrusting hard, right at the spot where my g-spot goes boing and it feels so intensely good.
"You want to come again, don't you, you slut, you want me to make you come again."
"Yes,"I say, "Yes," and throw my head back and to the side, smiling faintly as he flips me this way and that.
"I like your big, hard cock inside me," I tell him. "Your cock feels so hard, and it's so good."
"I'm going to come inside you," D says. "I'm going to shoot my hot cum all over your pussy."
"Fuck me, fill me up,' I moan and when I feel his orgasm peak I start to come myself, transfixed by how good everything feels, how new it all is, and how happy I am.

A party with D

So D and I went to a party with some of his old friends and I got a glimpse of another world, one I might have lived in in an earlier time if my life had gone a different way. What can I say? The friends wore Victorian silks, sensual lingerie, evening clothes to the party. They hugged and kissed one another and sat close in a way that suggest other--more--private delights. Everyone seemed more vibrant, more sensual that most of my friends.

Later, D and I had an interesting talk about sex. We discussed something I've never experienced--having sex with other people within the context of a relationship. "Think of it as an experience," D said. "Something you do. It's not a relationship, it's an experience." (Of course, I've always approached sex as a relationship and an experience--even if it's a one night relationship, I guess.)

D said something else interesting--We were talking about our sexual fantasies and D said that he thought about he and I making love in front of a group of other people: "We're so hot together, I think about other people watching us and getting turned on," he said. "I could see you getting into that."

Of course, I've never done anything like that--and can't see it happening under all but a few circumstances. It does make me amused that I've managed to snag two sweet, total perverts as my lovers and that we get to have conversations like that, but group, public sex is a bridge I have not yet crossed.. though I suspect it's just a matter of opportunity--and time.