Monday, June 27, 2005

Still waiting to be whipped

Lingerie, fishnets, heels.
Tied to your door. Pulled tight against it.
You, with a paddle.
Spanking me.

I want to be whipped.
I want to feel a transforming pain.
How long will you make me wait till I can finally have what I want?

Friday, June 24, 2005

Possible men (or not)

A, the 31 year old I met online, who actually seems kinda nice--at least at a virtual distance. Someone young would be a trip...but I fear I am too old.
D--the 50 something DOM whose marriage broke up because of his D/s interests (should I say obsessions?)--we are supposed to meet for dinner in 2 weeks.
DSF--the still cloaked (and married) DOM who is married with a child, smart as a whip and sounds great--but is attached (okay, he has done this before, but it bothers me)
There are some others from the dating and BDSM sites, but these men have caught my attention.
Now, do I actually meet them and move these options ahead?
I think yes.

No sex, arrghh

No sex with Z for a week or more. We don't seem to make it past a blow job and a hand in my pussy often enough.
This is frustrating.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Laura the tooth: true dat

laura the tooth says: i definitely feel that modern porn with all its emphasis on orifice stretching and stunt fucking for the benefit of the camera has led to the decline of the importance of vaginal tightness. the overriding philosophy behind all the double penetration, double anal, ass to mouth, fisting, anal gaping, and jackhammer backdoor boning is orifice expansion, which is the antithesis of tautness. this is a sad development, because one of the biggest benefits of fucking is getting to feel something--after her pussy, asshole, mouth, and throat are all stretched out and loosened up from all that "penile accommodation" (and penetration with any other large foreign object[s]), what's next? will he just just stick it in her ear?"

Laura, true dat.


Home from another trip.
Z comes over.
I am tired, cranky.
We hand out and talk.
Eventually, we start to kiss.
"Take off your blouse" he says, and devours my breasts, pulling them out of the black and burgundy demi bra he bought me and which I have on tonight so he can suck the nipples into high pink points. He nuzzles the soft flesh, gently biting the skin, bruising and marking me like a piece of ripe fruit.
"Turn around and let me see your ass in those panties," he commands.
As I obey, I wonder what else he would like to do.
"What would you like?" he says, to my surprise.
I smile.
I was just thinking the same question about you.
"Well, I know what I'd like, "he says, "And I can tell you--but how about you."
"I'd like you to spank me," I say, and we both smile.
I turn and he hits me, hard with his hand, going from side to side until I know my ass is pink and warm.
"Oh, that looks so hot," he says, and he pulls me closer, working a finger into my asshole, digging and pushing in a way I find intoxicating, especially when he combines it with fingers iny my cunt and/or hitting me some more.
He works on me and soon I come, clamping down on the fingers in my ass and touching my clit as he spanks me.
Soon, we go into the bedroom where I take off his clothes, he lies down and says" Suck my cock."
I remove my bra, shaking my big breasts free, and take him in my mouth. As I suck his cock, I tongue and lick his ball and dig my fingers into the base of the shaft, creating some contrast.
Listening to his moans, I feel in control.
He thrusts himself into my mouth, hooking his legs around my neck and pushing up with his hips till my entire world is cock.
I suck him, deep, until he comes in my throat.
"Suck me more, " he said, so I continue for a bit until he says its enough.
When we are done, we lie together naked on the bed and hold one another and talk.

Friday, June 17, 2005

Multiple partners, how to?

I'm starting to realize that all the chatting with Doms on other web sites that I engage in has to do with my very lively curiosity about having more lovers.
But there are three things I am at a complete loss to figure out:
1) If I want to do D/s, how can I do that with someone I don't know--it seems so risky and difficult to meet the right person--part of Z's great appeal is that I totally trust him(only we just don't have sex enough!)
2) How can I have a D/s relationship with two men and keep that secret(as in, secret from Z)?
I'm thinking multiple marks, for one thing.
3) If I'm not looking for D/s, but for some cool sex partner/friend that I can like and trust, how do I meet that person--and what should my criteria be?

After so many years of being married, this is all new to me--help!

Dinner fantasy

We are meeting at the conference hotel.
Last time you saw me, my marriage was ending.
"You'll have lots of fun,"you said. "You're a terrific person and will have the freedom to enjoy yourself. I bet you'll go out with other guys."
I sat at the table with you and realized I wanted to reach under the cloth, unzip your pants, and stroke and fondle your cock.
Now it is 4 months later. I live alone and I am single.
Before our meeting, I run out to the stores by the hotel, trying to buy hot new lingerie.
I imagine our dinner turning into something more, a night in my hotel room, in my hotel bed, where I unzip your pants and make you stand by the bed as I kneel down in lace lingerie and heels and tell you I have to suck your cock, and what a slut I've become, by the way.
As I get dressed tonight, I wonder if I have the nerve to express any of this, and what you might feel.
My tight sweater shows off my breasts, and I am wearing a skirt, not pants, all the better for your hands to drift beneath, should the opportunity arise.
Perhaps we will drink wine and kiss, our mouths drifting together like smoke, our hands reaching for one anothers' knees, touching the soft bits on the inner thigh.
Perhaps we will spend time together in bed after sex, spooning in the dark until you reach for me and want to come again before you go back to your own hotel room.
I imagine us lovers, meeting around the world for dinner, talk and sex.
I magine how think and long your cock is, and how good it would feel in my mouth.
I imagine your joy at how sexual and expressive and kinky I am compared to your wife.
And how happy we are with the fun we have.

90 minutes later we are standing together, chatting. You tell me your wife is coming to join you at the conference, and we're all going to have dinner together.
You say things are terrible between you and you're trying but it may just not work.
"I want to get to know you a lot better," you say to me. "Not only professionally, but on a personal level."
"I would like that," I reply demurely, aware that what you really mean is I want to fuck your brains out. Aware you are too honorable to say that--or do it--right now.
I am incredibly disappointed at losing the chance to have you all to myself, but I can afford to wait.

I have dinner with you and your wife.
I pretend I am still married and never mention the pending divorce.
We now have a secret between us your wife does not know--that we talk in a way that excludes her, and I realize that if your marriage blows up, you may be at my door.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

C, returned (sort of)

So C was the Dom I had drinks with a few weeks ago, who seemed really fun under his rugged exterior, and who whispered about how he liked to sexually tease, withhold orgasm, and have his sub take off her shirt on the freeway. He struck me as hot, I enjoyed kissing him when he walked me to my car, but then once we agreed we wanted to see one another again, it went all weird.
He called me, I called him, but then he didn't call me back and I wondered if his game was to withhold himself. Finally, before I went on a trip, I sent an email saying I'd enjoyed seeing him and he should be in touch when I got back if he wanted to meet up.
The day after I returned I got an email from him--only there was no message--the man sent a blank email.
Now, the night with C has provided much hot masturbatory fantasy in lonely hotel rooms, BUT common sense suggests a man who only gives me his cell phone, sdoesn't offer his last name, seems to have issues around communicating, and appears to be pretty withholding is someone I should skip.
At worst, this man is some twisty guy; at best, poor communication skills except when 1:1.
Verdict: Let this one go.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Some pix

Sunday, June 12, 2005

D/s Chez Z

Last night at Z's. First of all, we did not have the hot night of D/s sex I'd imagined, he was exhausted after cleaning his place up, etc. but I will talk about what we did do, and how it felt--even tho we did not do as much as I'd hoped.
R had bought me lingerie. Beautiful, sexy lingerie. He watched me try it all on for him--everything fit and everything looked great. The Chinese satin corset, in particular, sent him over the top.
"Come here and suck my cock. Get on your knees" he said, leaning back on the low-slung platform bed.
I obeyed, licking and sucking his cock, tasting the pre-cum, and making him moan as a licked his balls and took them into my mouth. As he fucked my face, he leaned over and swatted my ass with his hand and the riding crop--the pain made me feel so excited.
"Stop," he finally said, "I don't want to come."
He reached into the drawer and pull out some big ass nipple clamps--harp clamps, he said--and attached them to my nipples. Gee, they hurt, but he distracted me from the pain by taking the trapped nipples in his mouth and running his teeth over them; that balanced out the pain. A few seconds later, I was moaning...there is no doubt that pain and pleasure mingle in my brain in a way I would never have anticipated.
He bent me over and spanked me a bit more, put his fingers inside me and fingered me roughly--if you read this blog, you should not be surprised that made me go nuts.
"My pussy, mine," he said.
"Yes, yours," I replied, not letting myself say the words in my head: I want to belong to you, I want you to own me. --I just can't let myself say that outloud, not yet, just like I can't imagine calling him Sir or Master--maybe one day, or maybe not--I am loving giving this man power over me, but I am not completely comfortable with how good that feels--and I don't really understand WHY this is working out so well--and yet, am loving that it is.

(Of course, I am still waiting to be restrained, tied to the door, gagged, blindfolded, and whipped.Also waiting to be cuffed to the bed, held down, spread-eagled, with Z about to do anything he wises (and with safe words and some rocks to throw as a stop signal). I want those experiences to change me, to mark me, and to give me a chance to feel some powerful new things that will help me discover new edges in myself.)

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Z, rising

Saw Z tonight, While I have been talking with some very interesting Doms, I think he's the one right now. He's so sweet, which may sound funny about a man who enjoys tying me up and spanking me, but he is. And he has this talent for using his hands in ways that make me shiver.
Some moments:
Z and I are on the couch, kissing. Under my white shirt, I am wearing a purple fishnet long sleeved top, and a sheer navy bra, plus jeans, sheer navy panties, heels. My big breasts look round under the clingy fishnet, wrapped like a present. R peels the shirt off and eyeballs my breasts. He attacks them, reaching his hands under the shirt to pinch and squeeze my nipples. He takes my breasts in his mouth and suckles them, making the nipples grow long and hard. I pull away, whip off the bra, and show him what the fishnet looks like over my breasts. It looks hot.
My nipples poke through like gumdrops, pink and erect.
He pulls me toward him and begins to hit me, slapping my cunt. The way he does it feels so good.
"Turn around and let me see your ass, " he orders.
I turn around and bend over the coach. He pulls my jeans down and looks at the sheet panties, then starts to spank me. Left, right, left, right--it hurts, but I bite my hand and say nothing.
I hope he will hit me harder.
Z tells me to take my jeans off and pulls me toward him.
He puts his fingers into my wet cunt, hot and juicy after all our foreplay, and shoves his hand inside me.
He's pushing hard against me. It feels so good, I don't want him to stop. I lean over the coach and moan. I know he can feel how hard my pussy is grabbing his hand. I come hard, his hand inside me and bow my head.
"Thank you."
After such pleasure I want to please him. We go in the bedroom and I give him a massage.
First the feet, then the hands, the legs, the back, the arms, the stomach and back. Finally, the backside.
This of course leads to touching his cock. In my hand, it stiffens and grows, becoming thick and hard.
"May I?"
I take off all my clothes and bend over him, taking his cock in my hand and rubbing my fingers up and down the shaft as I lick and tongue his balls. He moans.
I take his cock into my mouth, holding my fingers down against the bottom of the shaft as I take all of him into my wet and hungry mouth.
I suck and lick; he feels so responsive I know my pussy is getting wet again from the pleasure of sucking him.
Z moves against me and goes deep into the back of my throat. I gag a little but then relax, and have him inside my mouth.
"Come up and fuck me, " he says, so I move onto him, my legs straddling him so I half squat on the bed, his cock inside me, my head thrown back.
I've never used this position, tho I saw it in a porno film once, and it feels great--it fits our bodies together well.
Z reaches up and grabs both my breasts. He pulls and squeezes on the nipples, and just as he knew I would, my pussy clamps down tight around his cock.
"You are so wet," he says, and then he is moaning, coming and coming, and I am moaning because I come too, pushed over the edge by the intensity of his orgasm (and loving it).
We smile at one another, a little surprised, I think, that we have managed vaginal sex so successfully (he takes medication that causes some problems), but glowing with how good it was.

Tomorrow night I am going to go to his place and stay over for the first time.
All the paddles and floggers are there, the riding crop, the spreader bar, the rope, the butt plug, the nipple clamps, the clothes pins, the two-pronged dildo, the glass dildo and many of the vibrators.
So are the hooks where he can tie and restrain me, tie me up or down and do as he pleases.
So is my black leather collar with the big iron rings, and the leash he has never used but which he bought for me.
I have no idea what we will do tomorrow, but I am looking forward to it already.
I am spending the night.
There will be lots of time do whatever he likes.
Time to show how my pussy and ass, my breasts, mouth, hands and feet all belong to him, to be under his control and used for his pleasure.
Youhave no idea how much I am looking forward to this--and how long I have waited for it.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005


I have been answering emails from men on and collarme who are active DOMs, but have not felt moved to meet any of them...Z is so great that while the idea of playing around with someone else has a certain naughty appeal, I also don't want to risk my good thing--or end up with bruises he might see.
Plan is to give our connection more time and intensity over the next few weeks and take it from there.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Life with my hand

Since this blog is about my sexual life, I am going to write about masturbation. After all, I have had lots of practice in the past few weeks. On this trip I am on right now, it's me and my hand, no electrical devices.
I masturbate 2X a day usually, at night before I go to sleep, and in the am when I get up.

  • Touch my clit, wet saliva, rubbing, two fingers inside myself, pinching nipples and pulling them.

  • Sucking R's cock, sucking X-husband's cock, sucking cocks of various men I have met or imagined
  • Servicing two men who have me suck one's cock as the other fucks my ass--and who then come in my face
  • Being with C, the Dom I met who didn't call--and being in display and used under his direction (he's good for some hot fantasies).
  • Touching a woman under a man's direction
  • Being beaten while tied up, and then sucking a cock and being fucked

4 months ago I was of a more vanilla persuasion, dreaming of men I met on Craig's List coming over for hot sex

8 months ago I was still more vanilla, dreaming of someone kissing my neck and putting his fingers inside me

Friday, June 03, 2005

On the road, no sex

Have been on the road for a week, travelling first for work, then for fun.
Unfortunately, I am too shy to find random strangers to have sex with in foreign Asian countries, though the idea is appealing.
So, it's the hand every night, and fantasies about R and about S, the Dom I had a drink with who melted away and never called after teasing me with seductive descriptions of everything he liked to do.
I have almost a week left in my trip, but don't know that there will be adventures of the sexual nature...