Saturday, April 14, 2007

Night time. At Andre's.

You can tell we're passing from the courtship stage to the couples stage, at least in part, because we've agreed to put our laptops on the kitchen table and geek out for a bit--i.e., blog.

We've spent part of the day talking about some serious stuff, part of the day making love, and part of the day out with an old friend, exploring--and showing off--the area.

In bed this morning, it was so good when we made love, but I felt like the shadow of our talk was on us; for all the passion we each showed, it struck me that we didn't look at one another as much as we usually do. I thought that was because we'd been talking about where our relationhship was going, about whether the levels of committment and intimacy were moving forward and there were some issues we identified where we didn't quite agree and it made us, except for the end, turn away from one another a little bit.

Issues, for example, like my relationship with the already attached to someone else D.
And how that relationship makes Andre feel on the nights he's home alone.
And issues like my own fears about how fast things are going and my fears of letting go of D, and my confusion about whether keeping a relationship as constrained as that one is silly and would I be better off to just to to keep D as a friend.

So now we're sitting beside one another at the kitchen table and Andre is writing email and I am writing this and in a few minutes I am going to say I wrote this and suggest he read it before I make it go live.

And that's the other reason I wanted to open this blog to Andre--because I knew, blogging together would become another way to share and open a dialogue with him, a way to guarantee we know and talk about all the deepest thoughts we have the courage, at least, to blog.

It's going to be interesting to add this extra--and perhaps somewhat artificial layer--to how we connect, but it's also, I hope, another way to share--and to talk.

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