Wi.ld Monkey sex with P--But....

I met P tonight, the Dom I was so excited about.
I had this fantasy we would fall passionately in love--or at least lust.
He left 5 minutes ago, and now I want to sort out what I feel.
It ain't love.

First of all, P is married.
He says his wife knows he's not monogamous and he wants a girlfriend.
Someone he can have sex with--and talk to.
The thing is, P doesn't seem very spontaneous.
We had sex, and it was sex.
It was not playful or expressive in any way.
He dominated me.
He put clothes pins on my breasts.
He put them on my clit and my pussy lips.

His thing was pain...going for the most intense stimulation possible.
He didn't want to kiss me, he didn't seem to want to fuck me--he had a script he got off on--
making me come
making me make myself come
leaning over me staring into my eyes watching my face
then having me suck his cock and lie down so he could fuck my face.

But he never let me touch his cock.
He held it and jerked himself off and came in my mouth.

In other words, he behaved kind of like a guy who'd made rules about what he would and would not do (but he got brownie points for bring lots of rubbers).

After we had sex, he was ready to leave.
To be honest, I was ready to have him go.
We talked about going out on Saturday night--to a sex cub--just to watch--but I am not sure I want to go.

What bothers me about P?
Two things:
a) I have the sense he could really hurt me if I let him..he is a sadist and proud of it...and that scares me.
b) It didn't feel that personal...it felt more like he was into a certain kind of role playing--but, hey I am not really sure.

I WAS a total slut in the car with him.
I showed him my breasts, took my panties off, kept my legs spread...I was definitely a submissive slut.
And he made me cal him Sir.

But the deeper sense of connection was missing.
It was the first time, but I'm not sure he'squite what I am looking for.

(And having said that, might I mention his is the second cock I have sucked since my marriage broke up? And that, while a tad on the small size, it's shape and circumference and general trim were very pleasing?)