Monday, September 12, 2005

Saying yes

Z is asleep in the hotel bed, arms folder, hair mussed across the pillow.
I lie beside him in the early light and think about how I ended up here, in this bed,
sated after a night of paddles and clamps, floggers and toys, followed by vigorous, happy fucking.

It was because I decided to start saying yes.
All my life, I have worried about what I should do, vs. what I wanted to do.
While I have coolly followed daring paths in my career, in my personal life I have been Ms. Measured and Practical, the good girl, the responsible one.
When my (long) marriage ended, I realized this was my chance to find myself.
I also realized that I had NO IDEA what I actually wanted.

So I started saying yes.
I met Z (online) and when he asked if I was interested in submission, I said yes.
He asked if I'd like to be tied up--and I said yes.
And then, when he spanked me, I said yes (many times--I discovered I love spanking).

The night I went out with the sadist, I said yes to the clothespins, and to the slaps,
and when I saw the other Dom, I said yes to being spanked, and then said yes to spanking with another Dom again.

And then I met the scientist and said yes to casual encounters with him, and started up my (long-distance) affair with my friend G, and then met and went to bed with V, Mr. Not Vanilla.

Suddenly, I was creating a sex life that I thought would shock my friends, but that started to feel more like who I really was, or who I wanted to become.

And now that is my life and I am living it and enjoying it
and learning there is great power in being brave enough to say yes.

(Inspired by a post by Coming Out at 48)


Freya said...

Sometimes yes is a beautiful thing.

Monty said...

I am so happy for you. I hope my chance comes one day.

cp said...

Sometimes we don't even know we are saying yes when we are saying yes.....but the results are the same.

plum said...

Thanks, everyone...Chris, you inspire me.

SK said...

Sounds quite familar. It can be quite a journey when you put your mind to it. What I learned quickly was to have a sense of humor and remember that if it's not fun, why bother?