Friday, May 20, 2005

When space arises, something new fills it

After we made love, he said, "You know, you're much more open to all this and turned on than you were a few weeks ago. Your body is much more receptive, and I'm wondering just how far you'll take your taste for pain as part of pleasure. This is a reason to not rush, and to savor every moment, and take it little slow, because you will find a place where you won't want to go any farther."
A good comment, but what it made me think about is how differently I am starting to think about things. Some fantasies I find amazingly erotic that are so new from anything in my past:

  • Z's fingers in my mouth, stretched wide, my legs open for him
  • Being tied up and whipped, then used by Z
  • Satisfying a dominant and his slave wife; being the submissive to the slave
  • Bringing two men back to my place and having sex with both of them
These fantasies are blazing hot, and while I DO NOT want to act on the last two (for many reasons), they've a departure from my previous "I don't share" brand of internal sex talk, and also from the "I'm not into women" discussion in my head.
All of a sudden, it's dawned on me that being with a couple is different..and it could be really hot.

Truthfully, I find these fantasies a little scary--it's reassuring that I've been with R for six weeks and we haven't done many of the things we've talked about--it reminds me that I have no need to act on any of these fantasies, ever.
Of course, what really scares, though, is that someday I might want to, just like I used to fantasize about getting spanked and having my nipples pulled and now it's part of what R and I do.
That's why this blog..I need a safe place to write about this new erotic journey.

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