D/s and Vanilla sex, or J and Z

Giving some thought to having sex with my X--did I mention that--when he came over the other night (turns out he dumped the girlfriend).
I did not tell Z, though I thought about it--mostly because he would have been the best person to share my thoughts with about the experience:
Sleeping with J was nice and he has a nice body, but I did not feel any of the sexual intensity I feel with Z.
I think that is not just because Z and I mix some pain with our pleasure (that would be my pain, in particular) . it's because our developing D/s relationship has a very strong mind/body connection.
In other words, the D/s is an expression of an intensity and a sharing we have with one another, and the great sex and fun is an outgrowth of that.
One of the miracles of my life with the X was how we could have what I thought at the time was great sex even though we were unhappy together--ie we had a mind/body disconnection.
X has a bigger dick, a better body, and I've known him waaaayyy longer, but if I had to choose--without the emotional baggage of the past getting in the way--I would chose Z.