Monday, January 30, 2006

Opening the heart

D was here a couple nights ago. We'd gone out with friends, then come back to my place.
"I'm too tired to make love," he said. "It's the end of a long week, and I feel like an old married guy."
I laughed, because I'd been thinking something similar as I washed up in the bathroom.
But then we ended up lying in bed having a really personal talk about love, intimacy, passion.
I talked about Bear and how special he was--and how my feelings surprised me--and about
Z and about how I wondered if I was afraid to fall in love--not that I want to, at this point.
He talked about intimacy and that "new relationship energy" wearing off, so the people saw one another's weak points.
After we talked, we wanted to make love, and as we did, I felt my heart open to D. It wasn't only the way he touched me, or the high-pitched cry he uttered as he came, far more soft and heart-felt a noise than he'd ever made, it was the way our souls seems to be flowing together, the way our bodies made us harmonize for a moment that made me feel so much closer to him.
What I have with Z is great, but I also feel that perhaps I could have something special with D, and I want to discover more of what that could be, I want to open my heart to him.

1 comment:

rose said...

it takes such courage to admit those deep feelings or to truly open your heart. i feel the same, but am trying to keep a tight hold on those feelings. your courage inspires.......