Thursday, May 11, 2006


So as much as I enjoy my submission to Z, and the aspects of submissive play in my relationship with D, I know I would make a terrible slave. Although I enjoy being dominated, and love the feeling of giving myself over to Z, my submission is really limited to the bedroom and our sexual dynamic. I'm incapable of being a woman whose dream is to perfect her slavery to make her more appealing to a Master--On the contrary, I am so strong-willed I have trouble imagining why I would allow anyone but Z--or someone like him, who earned my trust--the kind of total power over me Z has--and that I love giving.
Before Z became unavailable and our D/s life went on hold, I was looking forward to deepening this part of our bond, but that's pushed off for the moment, leaving me without anyone for whom I could even consider--and then reject--being a slave.

(Of course, I have real fantasies--which I hope to make a reality--of being more submissive to my friend Bear--I love the thought of bending my head to him, letting him dominate me, give over control to that sweet, passionate energy--but besides Z, Bear's the only one I can think of in this way...and he's far off right now.)

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