Monday, December 26, 2005


"I love to control you," Z says. "When I put my hands inside you and make you so excited, when I feel the waves of your orgasms build, I know that I control you, that I play you like an instrument.
For me that is the most exciting thing, better even than fucking--it's fucking with our minds."
We are lying in bed, talking after making love, as we often do. Z is explaining his dominance to me, what feels best to him--For me, who was never submissive before Z, this is all of keen interest.
"I've slept with a lot of woman and had some great sexual experiences," Z says. "K had big nipples and loved to have them tortured; L had a body very much like yours and always wanted to be spanked. But you're the first person who is both so close to my physical idea and so amazingly responsive--your body responds to me like no one I have ever experienced."
"I have no way of knowing," I say, "How much that is between you and I and how much is D/s--I wonder what would have happened if I'd been with another Dominant, someone else? Somehow, I don't see myself doing a good job as a conventional slave."
"Yes, I wanted someone where I could be dominant in the bedroom, and equal in all other ways," Z replies. "You are the perfect sub in bed, you are always open to me, always there--but my equal otherwise."
We continue to talk, discussing that favorite topic of couples everywhere--the miracle of meeting and joining together, the delight and surprise of having found one another, the deep pleasure we feel.
Only this time, it is different than before(when I was married, or back in the dark ages, before that:

  • I love a man with whom I practice S&M
  • A man who is Dominant while I am sub
  • A man with health problems that mean fucking often requires pills but who gives me more--and better--orgasms than I have ever had
  • I don't plan to be faithful--while I love him, I do not intend to be exclusive with him (tho he will be the only real Dom)
  • I have lots more sexual exploration to do
  • We're not going to live together anytime soon
  • I have no idea what I want the future to bring--and that's alright
And yes, in many ways, he is my Master, even though I thought I'd NEVER say that.


Alex said...

Unusual, in fact I'd go so far as to say unique sexual paradigm you have there. Then I suppose we all are, unique that is.

Jefferson said...

Oh, it's so hot--you two talk about it all!