Friday, September 01, 2006

Sex with new people and talk and telling truth

D and I were up at 5 am, talking in the dim morning light about sex, love, and fooling around. The theme for the morning was sexuality--After our months together, I'm getting interested in having more sex with new people--I want to experiment-- and I want to make sure our relationship keeps working.
"I've resisted the temptation to have sex with new people and not tell you about it," I say (which is mostly true, but not enough true for me to want him to read this post.) "I want to experiment, to just try different things...but I want to be honest with you as well."
"I took it pretty well about Bear, didn't I?" he says. "I didn't freak out that my girlfriend was sleeping with a younger guy in another city..."
"Yeah, you did great," I say, but what I am thinking is How can I have sex with other people and make that work? Do I have to tell you I want to find a woman to sleep with? That I wish I could go to the women's section of the Leather Fair all by myself?
It's good with D, shatteringly good, but I want to explore--more--and want to start talking with D about making it happen.


Cherrie said...

I'm new here, but it seems to me two things are necessary for an open relationship to work.

First, both of you have to be secure in the knowledge that, no matter what happens, you will each accept the other's behavior, and it will not affect your love for each other. (Not everyone can do this!)

Second, you need to be honest with your partner about your desires and actions with others, so he/she doesn't feel deceived or left out.

We've lived by these rules for many years, and have stayed together happily while enjoying many outside lovers. I hope you can do the same!

J said...

On the other hand, a nice dark secret has its own delightful reward...