Saturday, October 01, 2005

Dominance and control

As my relationship with R deepens, my understanding of how I experience being submissive shifts.
On one level, there's the sexual submissive aspect: acting to please, not saying no (unless there's a strong reason), allowing yourself--participating actively--to be used by your Dom.
On another level, there's the S/M aspect--alot of D/s exists in an area where pleasure and pain mix, or some pain leads to (alot) of pleasure.
But the area where my understanding is deepening is about control.
The thing that is most exciting in my D/s relationship with R is the pleasure he takes in controlling me, and the pleasure I receive in surrendering that control to him.
When we are together in this way, R not only *owns* my body, he is in control of much of what
I feel and experience.
I've not only given myself to him to be used as he see fit, I'm allowing him to guide and shape what I feel.
Letting R dominate and control me in this way isn't only a sexual high, it's an amazingly intense and intimate experience that can be so intense I feel merged with him at times.
That bond then carries over into the rest of our relationship; I trust R in a way I could not trust my ex, thou we were married for 10,000 years.

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