Saturday, October 01, 2005

Dominance and control 2

As my own understanding for D/s in my relationship with Z deepens, I understand more about him as a Dominant.
Z's dream is to be in a close, loving relationship with someone who is strong, but sexually submissive, whom he can enjoy using and controlling, but who isn't going to be a doormat or overly dependent on him in the real world.
He doesn't want to have the intense bonds of D/s as a form of play or scene, or as something people do on each other, as opposed to together.

He told me a story today about a woman he met a couple of years ago. She was coming out of a marriage and had decided it was time to explore her fantasies of being submissive, tied up, whipped, hurt, etc.
She met Z online, talked to him on the phone several times, and liked him--but she didn't want a real relationship.
After a while, and some real-life meetings, she convinced Z to come over with the full regalia of clamps, whips, rope and do the deed.
They did, and while it was sexually great, Z did not feel connected to her.
They got together a couple more times, but Z was just not feeling it and by mutual agreement, they broke it off.
I found this story interesting as evidence that Z knows what he wants and has been out looking for it, as opposed to me, who had no idea what I wanted, but then had things suddenly fall into place.

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