The new Dom

So I got together with the potential new Dom today. We were supposed to go out and explore hisn eighborhood, but instead I dragged him into bed with me--for hours. We had an amazing time--by agreement, there was no D/s, no penetration, but he spanked me and I had some very powerful orgasms--drove away with a BIG smile on my face.
Some random bits from the day:
--He reads D/s sex blogs..it was a trip to see his bookmarks for blogs by bloggers I read as well--some of whom had posted here! (I did not see this blog on his list...and I did tell him I had one...)
--He gives a mean spanking. God, it felt so good! His hands were heavy on my ass, and warmed it right up.
--We had good chemistry. More to come on this new development and where this connection goes.

Now, this is hot

Twisted Monk has a post about fetish photographer and goddess Michelle Serchuk, who's written up in ErosZine. This picture blows me away. Beautiful creature!

I think I met someone

So I wasn't looking, but I looked--one of those ads on Craigslist I read when I am lonely.
Only this time, I answered it.
And I talked on the phone to the man last night.
And I met him today for coffee, face to face.
And he may be someone who could fit into my life--much to my surprise (and of course it is too early to tell).
What I like about him:

• Dominant, but not sadistic
• Polyamorist, but not committed
• Without a significant other
• Seeking an LTR with a sensual sub
• Open to exploring
• Communicative and funny
• Seems honest
• Knows a (fairly large) number of people I know--shared frame of reference is always a good recommendation for friendship and connection

Where we go from here remains to be seen..I don't know him at all--but the potential for this to work, the sense we both want similar things, is really there--the thing to see is if we will want them with one another.

For Toy: How I became submissive

When I was 2o, my future husband and I were in a hotel room in an inn, sleeping in a room with a cast iron bed. "Blindfold me and tie me up," I said, gazing at the bars.
He did, we made love, and my screams of pleasure roared into the night (as we heard at breakfast the next morning).
The Story of O got me so aroused I was afraid to own it, least I read it obsessively, over and over.
When husband and I made love, I used to fantasize: men in hoods, strangers, holding me down as they used me for their pleasure. Being kept in a locked room, a slave, and brought out and given food only in exchange for sex. Fantasies so dark they terrified me and made me ask my therapist what could be the matter.
Husband and I went to a sex shop together at one point, and although we bought a butt plug and a flogger, he would never use them.
Then as my marriage was failing, I tried to be more of a slut--I invited anal sex, invited him to have sex more often, perfected my blow job skills and learned how to deep throat. But every time I suggested we role play, I was rejected. And my pleas for spanking, blindfolds and restraints were deemed....repulsive, brutalizing and unacceptable.
Even as we broke up, I had no clue that I might enjoy being submissive--after all, I'd only slept with one person for over 20 years--and we'd committed when we were both so inexperienced we had no idea what we might be missing.
To me, BDSM was some kind of fetishistic role-play in something called a dungeon where men with hoods and chains objectified and whipped women, used them as interchangeable objects. Nope, that didn't seem at all appealing.
And then, as my marriage was failing, I met Z on a dating site. He was a dominant, looking for a submissive, and he wanted someone he could love. He was bright, witty, literate and as we emailed about what he was looking for, I realized that, for me, this might be it.
All of a sudden, like the proverbial bolt of lightening, I got that my interest in being bound, controlled and restrained had a name and that it was an interest others--besides the guys in black hoods--shared.
It wasn't till a few months later that I had my first S&M experience with Z: blindfolded, hung on a door, whipped and flogged and beaten, probed and vibrated until the stimulation made me scream, until I was taken down so shaken my legs were trembling and he had to walk me to the bed, where he turned me over, tied my hands behind my back and jammed his hands into my soaking pussy.
And it was later, much later, that I started to fantasize about Z owning me, about the pleasure of giving him exactly what he wanted: a wet, submissive slut.
Between April and January 2006 was my awakening as a submissive; the passion peaked in January when Z had personal problems that made him less available and my connection to D began to grow.
Today, I am comfortable with and enjoy my submissive nature and hoping to find another man who can inspire the passion and intensity Z and I shared.

(I also like to joke that S&M is the mid-life sexual equivalent of a new-found liking for hot sauce; it awakens the taste buds as they die off.)


This post is for Toy, in thanks for her gifts and sharing

Making myself come

It's Christmas weekend and the boyfriend is gone, I have sworn off others and I am horny as hell--isn't that what vibrators are for? When no one else is available, the best thing to do is make glorious love to oneself, so here's the story of my little interlude of passion earlier today.
First of all, there's the vibrator--the big one with the nice soft tip, and then there's the lub--cool and slippery and pseudo-wet. Then there's me crawling naked under the sheets, deep into the nice clean bed, with the blinds pulled shut and the light diffused.
I lie back against the pillows and open my legs, letting my hands creep down to my crotch, to the smooth skin and soft curls and the moist tender flesh, lips to be parted and gently stroked with one finger moistened with spit from my mouth, tracing a trail along the lips. I arch my back and close my eyes, knowing what will soon come, how I can pleasure myself into an orgasm of the most intense sort, as gasping and headbanging as anything D can deliver (but not as much fun by myself).
Before I get started, I reach for the lube, wet myself up and get the vibrator buzzing before I slowly insert it, pushing the tip so it hits the g-spot just right. As the vibrator buzzes inside, I reach down and circle my clit with my fingertip, stroking softly till I feel aroused. Then, I start to fantasize, to dream:

• A man comes into my living room. He's my master, but I don't know him very well. "On your knees," he says to me, and as I kneel down he feeds me his cock, thrusting it into my open mouth until I choke, overwhelmed, and until he's made me drool and drip with spit.
• And then he's grabbing my breasts, sucking the nipples hard, handling the sensitive tips, pulling and twisting until I want to scream with pleasure, until I am gasping.
• And then there's the moment he reaches over between my legs, a thumb parting my legs, his hand reaching inside me, pulling me open, shoving fingers into that ready spot, wet and throbbing and wanting more.

And then I come, over and over again, hard against my hand, hard against the vibrating rod, hard against the soft padding of the bed, hard and hard and oh so good.
And then I'm done, and I put the vibrator aside, and turn my head and smile and sleep, knocked out and ready to dream.

Holidays for sluts

Pixie, over at tribe.net, posted something that spoke to me about sluts and these winter holidays:
"Am I the only one that goes through the "whose-family-are-we-spending-THIS-holiday-with" stuff? This year for Thanksgiving, we decided to spend it together at home and told all extended families, "We love you all - and we're staying home & not visiting anyone for Thanksgiving this year". Hannukah/Yule/Christmas got a little more disjointed, with visits to various houses. Even so, there were family members who felt left out, didn't get visited, only got to see one of us or whatnot. And then one of the kids at a family gathering this year asked why two of us had matching collars... "

I'm san lovers this week, home alone and horny as hell while D is off visiting his other partner's family--and some of his own family--neither of whom know about me. The temptation to call up some old date, like the nice older man I went out with--twice?--5 months ago--is powerful.

I would love to be spanked and restrained and flogged and plugged and fucked tonight, oh god, would I love that! But I don't want to have a one night stand, and I do not want to start something I am not interested in continuing--I want to meet a younger Dom, someone more compatible with me, and build a fire with that person. But hey, it feels like a waste, I am so horny this holiday, I keep giving myself these killer orgasms!

Water, one year together

It's evening, later, and D and are are in the hot tub in his backyard. The stars are out, glazing the night, and it's very quiet in the 'hood. D's in the water, waiting for me, so I drop the robe and hurry up the stairs, easing myself into the water and next to him.
It's been a year we've been together, a year ago we sat in his tub naked on the night we met, full of wine and sushi and curiousity, a year ago I decided this man was someone I'd like to see again.
And now we're naked in the darkness, back in the water, moving toward one another for yet another touch.
D pulls my body toward his, lightly touching my waist, his hand stroking my hips and thighs. We move toward one another, bouyant, afloat, my breasts brushing against his chest, my legs brushing him. Gently, I brace my hips against the tub, offer my breasts and pussy to him.
D brushes his cock against my lips and I run against him, the dark coming down on us like a cover, like a kiss.
We hold one another and kiss. "I love you," we say, but what is really meant is, "I still think you are so fucking hot."
D leanes back in the water, eyes closed, and thrusts his cock against my legs, We're rocking, weightless, and then he is inside me, my body opening, as always, for him.
"You want me to stick my cock inside you, don't you, you slut." D says, moving closer. "You always want me to fill you up, huh?"
"Yes," I say, and open myself further, moving so that D can have all the access he wants, can shove his cock deep into my body, can move against my g-spot and make me squirm, can use my pussy the way I always want him to, can dominate and own me through the force of his hunger, his need.
We are in the water, in the dark, and we are fucking. We're slamming into one another, my pussy closing like a glove around his dick, his cock shoving into me, wet and slick and hard and good, magical and reality at the same time. D's head is thrown back, his face transfixed, we pant together as I come and come, the orgasm blooming like a firework going off, a small moment of controlled frenzy in the hot tub we have all to ourselves.
"Huh, huh, huh, huh," we are breathing, panting, a moment of tantra together. One breath, one purpose, a hot sex dream.
"Oohhh, ohhh," D's face is agonized as he comes, so hard, so deep inside me, the orgasm lifting him out of himself and into a place I cannot go, a place safe from all the bad things happening right now in his life, safe from the losses to come.

I come hard as well, so hard I know I would be squirting if we were on a bed, so hard I lose myself for a moment, at once both stilled and in motion in the lapping breeze.

What does it mean, to know you are so together but to feel so apart?To be joined in this intense embrace, but to believe--at this time next year--we will be apart?

We're in the water, and we're together, but somehow, hot as it is, I feel we are distant, not truly joined.

Where I am right now

So I have one boyfriend, D--and the lovely, across the world Bear--but that's it in the man department for the moment. On one hand, it seems like I should be having lots more fun--and lots more exploring!--On the other, I haven't met anyone else that has really caught my attention.
Hmnn, maybe I need to start writing about masturbation.

Deeper Better Deeper

I've been sleeping with--and seeing D for about a year--and the sex just keeps getting better. We know each other now--know the curves of our bodies, the magic buttons to push--but somehow that familiarity has become exciting.
The way D presses against me, rubbing his body on mine till his cock is as hard as a rock. How his hands grip my hips, caressing the curves. Our lips as we kiss, over and over. My hand on his neck, tracing the muscle's swell. How we hold one another, hugging and touching, so close we have to fuck.
And then there's how D's weight pins me down as he climbs on top of me, how pressed into the mattress I feel, how pinned, as he grunts and pushes his way into my pussy, into my heart. "Look how wet you are, you little slut," he likes to say. "You're always so wet and juicy for me. You want my big hard cock inside you,don't you--don't you?" (Those words always accompanied by a mind-bending thrust that puts his cock right against my g-spot and makes me gasp.)
"Oh, yes," I say, head thrown back. "Yes."
I love his cock and the way it feels inside me.
His heavy weight towering over me.
The way he flips me over, fast and hold my hips just so so he can drive it in, deep, once again.
And how open to him I am as he thrusts, deep and deeper.
Ahh, there's so much pleasure between us.
So much joy and so much fun.
"You make me crazy," he says as we lie there, cuddled together.
"Spontaneous combustion," I think, but say nothing, savoring that moment in his arms.