Oh God, I miss

Spanking
Flogging
Squirting
Being choked
Slapped
Dominated

With Z not available, this is a sub with no dom...(tears)

The quickie, or nap with benefits

I pick D up at the airport. His other partner is out of town. All the way home to his place, I have been hoping we will have sex. Sure enough, as soon as we're inside and he's put the luggage away, he says "Hey,I'm tired, do you want to take a nap?"
"Sure,"I say, and I take off everything but my black lace panties, black lace bra and white wife beater (I think they look hot together). D gets into bed without any of his clothes, so I know this is a nap with benefits.
Sure enough."Your ass is so cold, want me to warm it up?"D says. I hope for a spanking, but no, he's humping my leg, rubbing himself against my curves as he fondles my breasts. I put away my spanking wish (that's what Z would do) and give myself to the pleasure of the moment, to being used by this lovely man and making him feel good.
(D once called me his fuck toy ;I think he meant it, and I do aim to please...)
"Wait,"I say, and I bend over and take him in my mouth so he can fuck my face, thrusting and humping just like my mouth's a pussy, an idea that gets me totally turned on, especially as he grabs the back of my head to shove his cock deeper into my throat. We go like this till I am drooling and choking and wet and he is hot as anything and then he flips me over, doggy style, the way we both like it, and thrusts his cock into my pussy.
"You're so wet," he says, though it feels like only seconds have passed. "Do you like that, do you?"
He fucks me hard, his balls slapping against my thighs, his cock hitting my g-spot till it feels so good. All too soon for me, he is coming, shooting hard into me, moaning and gasping and drained.
"Sorry it was so fast," he says, stroking my side."I was really horny....It's been a week."
"Oh, no worries,"I say, smiling and turning over. "It was good."What I don't say, what I am thinking is I love it that you are so hot for me..I relish the idea you can't keep your hands off me...I want your come inside me so I am your slut...Better you screw me than her...But I don't share any of that, I just smile and say,"Mmmnn, think I am ready for that nap," and when D goes downstairs to make phone calls I put my hand between my legs and masturbate like crazy till I come, hard, imagining all the things I wish we'd done and the things I do with Z I will never do with D. And then, I am relaxed and I go to sleep and when I wake up an hour later I feel great and it's still before 11 am.

A talk with D

So I talked to D about how, on one hand, I loved being with him and Z, and how, on the other, I wanted more chances to experiment, new people, adventure. I told him I didn't feel I had the time to have both without getting less from my relationships...and yet, I thought about all the things I have not yet experience and was curious about. There was no resolution, but it felt good to get the words out.

D and I are together, in my bed

He pulls me atop him and I feel his cock, stiffening and hard against my leg as we kiss. His mouth is a journey and I close my eyes, losing myself in the pleasure of his tongue, our lips, as we touch and kiss. His mouth is a poem and I am a poet, abandoning myself to kisses that feel like words, pure pleasure, a pattern language demonstrating what loving passion truly is.

Of course I suck his cock, and of course I ride astride him, but the magic moment is that now-familar one when I feel D's hard cock come into me from behind, his body slamming into me hard, pushing my g-spot, an electric button of orgasmic joy. I moan and sing with pleasure, the orgasm building into a wave that takes us both, noisy and connected, to another special place that feels so, so good.

And afterwards, we lie together, and we cuddle, and we talk. It's late, but I am too energized from sex to want to go to sleep and the slightly spicy smell of his olive skin when I curl into his arm is so delicious, so nice, I just want to curl up and hold him.

Stoned

D and I are in my bed, stoned on the pot we smoked outside. We haven't seen one another all week, and I am so hungry for him, so eager to taste his lips, feel his hands on me, curl my arms around his strong thighs. We hug and we kiss and his mouth is as hungry as mine, reaching inside to tease my tongue.
Soon he is stroking my breasts, and I am curled so he can put his mouth on my pussy as I suck his cock, as he pumps strong and steady into my throat. His tongue and fingers tease my clit, then reach inside to that magic g-spot. I open to one finger and two, and he pumps harder in my throat and I take him down deeper, and his fingers dig into my cunt, hard, more fingers I think, and the stretched-feeling hurts so good, there's such a fine edge.
We fuck and moan and press into one another and he's making me come, over and over...it's so good I want to scream. We make love for what seems like hours, kissing and touching and it's all good.
He flips me over and drives deep into my pussy.I am wet and hot and back up to take him more fully into me, my head slammed down into the pillows as he thrusts, hard, over and over. Soon, he is keening, that high rhythmnic moan that means he is going to come--only this time it goes on forever, so noisy, so raw, it makes me more excited just to listen to him, to feel him shuddering inside me, shaking, after he comes.
(Later, D says that he fisted me, almost, that I was so excited, so open he put five fingers in, the thumb up to the first joint, and I tell his that's amazing, that usually that's far too much for me.)

Polly Peachman: Violence in the Garden

"... But just what a submissive feels, what turns her on, surprises many people. The tediously conventional answer, often said with a snicker in the voice, is “whips and chains,” but for me, the richly idiosyncratic sensations, fantasies, and impressions that excite my erotic imagination and bring my submissiveness to the fore are practically endless in their variety. They include the intoxicating smell of new leather; the sight of someone dressed entirely in black; the thrilling touch of cold steel restraints against my skin; watching a pair of gloves being slowly drawn on; the pungent and humiliating taste of my own juices on a pair of fingers being forced into my mouth; hard, sharp sounds, such as a club coming in contact with a golf ball, which remind me of wood or leather being brought sharply to bear against flesh; the terrifying sensation of blood trickling down the back of my leg; the vision of someone slapping a riding crop rhythmically against his hand; the acidic taste of fear accompanied by a crazy leaping sensation in the stomach; the intent eagle-like expression found in the eyes of certain dominants; a slap on the face; a hand at my throat, gently squeezing, threatening; the sight of a needle as it passes through skin; the unique sensation of lying on the floor with a boot pressing down on my head; an intense, embarrassing, goose-bumpy awareness of one's nakedness in front of a group of fully clothed people; being forced to kneel, crawl, or grovel; being forced to assume the classic slave position of head to the floor, bottom raised to expose the buttocks and genitals for my dominant's amusement; an inability to catch my breath and an aching pain in my mouth that come from giving forced oral pleasure; the sound of my beloved's laughter in response to my screams of agony; the close embrace of a locking steel collar around my neck; the taste of a leather whip that is shoved against my lips to be kissed or licked."

(from Violence in the Garden, a tremendously interesting essay on submission via taken in hand)

It has been so long since we have been together

Z's touch makes me shiver when he slips his hand inside my pants and gently tugs them down. I lean back to give him more access between my thighs, and shiver with excitement as his hand strokes my pussy in ever widening circles, his thumb pushing between the folds, a finger stroking me from the inside.
Soon, I am thrusting against his hand, feeling so good to be touched by him again, and he has turned me over and is spanking my butt, hard, heavy slaps that drive his hand deeper between my legs. It hurts me, he is hurting me , but it feels so good I almost cry. I've waited so long for him to touch me this way, to take control and make me screan and now that it is happening I almost sob with a mix of pleasure and pain.
After a while, Z pushes me down toward his cock and lies back. "Suck me," he commands.
Eagerly, I take him in my mouth, feeling him, long and hard, deep in the back of my throat.
He pushes and thrusts and as I angle to take him in as far as possible, he flips me over and spanks me with one hand, the other probing inside me as I choke and gag.
When I am on top of Z, his hard cock in my wet pussy, he slaps my breasts and holds my throat.
"Ride your Master's cock," he says, and I do, feeling every thrust, every stroke until the moment we both explode, and quiet, then rest.

There is no other feeling like that I have with Z, no one else who touches me in this way.

Slave--Not

So as much as I enjoy my submission to Z, and the aspects of submissive play in my relationship with D, I know I would make a terrible slave. Although I enjoy being dominated, and love the feeling of giving myself over to Z, my submission is really limited to the bedroom and our sexual dynamic. I'm incapable of being a woman whose dream is to perfect her slavery to make her more appealing to a Master--On the contrary, I am so strong-willed I have trouble imagining why I would allow anyone but Z--or someone like him, who earned my trust--the kind of total power over me Z has--and that I love giving.
Before Z became unavailable and our D/s life went on hold, I was looking forward to deepening this part of our bond, but that's pushed off for the moment, leaving me without anyone for whom I could even consider--and then reject--being a slave.

(Of course, I have real fantasies--which I hope to make a reality--of being more submissive to my friend Bear--I love the thought of bending my head to him, letting him dominate me, give over control to that sweet, passionate energy--but besides Z, Bear's the only one I can think of in this way...and he's far off right now.)

Wet and Juicy Pussy

When D touches me, my body opens to him. My pussy gets wet and warm and if he thrusts against me in the right way, or shoves his fingers inside me, I get wet enough for him to jam himself right into my center, my core.
We make love, his balls slamming against my hips as he drives his cock into me, and I marvel, every time, at how good it is, how hot it is, at the advanced degree in fucking this man clearly has.
D's other partner said: "Do you and Plum have sex every time you see one another?" and while he said no, the answer is yes, we want to, even if it's not always possible.
Who could not want the heat we have between us, the delicious thrill of his cock fitting into my wet flesh, the pulsing and the spasms we both enjoy. Who could not want to be held down, taken from behind and fucked till limp, till your partner moaned and came into you, again and again until you both were spent (I love that Victorian word).

Missing Z

It amazes me how much I miss Z--there is no one besides him in my life who can dominate and control me the way he does and I miss it so much.
Although I enjoy lots of sexual expression that has little to do with D/s, there's no question but that Z and I have the most powerful connection I've experienced, and our D/s relationship is a strong part of that.
Oh, how I hunger for him to touch me, to hold me down, to push and pull and stroke me, to feel his hand at the back of the neck.