BDSM and lack there of (also a small rant on geeks)

So I am starting to (slowly) realize that alot of geeky, poly, alternative people are also into BDSM. Only it seems like some of them are into it to kinda show off how cool they are, and some of them are into the fun, playful idea of BDSM. As a sub to a Dom who was always very private, cheerful party discussions of flogging always stop me cold--for me, BDSM was playful, but only between two people with a very intense relationship.
Now I am in this weird space where I don't have much BDSM in life, especially the *real* kind, the kind I have with Z which is about control as well as S&M--not only do I really miss it, but because I promised not to do BDSM with others, I have no way to replace it--and no idea when Z will be able to resume these activities. The lack of this connection leaves an ache inside me.
I didn't know I would miss it so much, fantasize about it, crave it...and I do. If Z was out of the picture completely, I realize I would either have to look for another Dom or try to teach D how to be more truly dominant.
Sigh.
This is out of my control because of the promises I have made to Z, which I will continue to keep.