Saying yes

Z is asleep in the hotel bed, arms folder, hair mussed across the pillow.
I lie beside him in the early light and think about how I ended up here, in this bed,
sated after a night of paddles and clamps, floggers and toys, followed by vigorous, happy fucking.

It was because I decided to start saying yes.
All my life, I have worried about what I should do, vs. what I wanted to do.
While I have coolly followed daring paths in my career, in my personal life I have been Ms. Measured and Practical, the good girl, the responsible one.
When my (long) marriage ended, I realized this was my chance to find myself.
I also realized that I had NO IDEA what I actually wanted.

So I started saying yes.
I met Z (online) and when he asked if I was interested in submission, I said yes.
He asked if I'd like to be tied up--and I said yes.
And then, when he spanked me, I said yes (many times--I discovered I love spanking).

The night I went out with the sadist, I said yes to the clothespins, and to the slaps,
and when I saw the other Dom, I said yes to being spanked, and then said yes to spanking with another Dom again.

And then I met the scientist and said yes to casual encounters with him, and started up my (long-distance) affair with my friend G, and then met and went to bed with V, Mr. Not Vanilla.

Suddenly, I was creating a sex life that I thought would shock my friends, but that started to feel more like who I really was, or who I wanted to become.

And now that is my life and I am living it and enjoying it
and learning there is great power in being brave enough to say yes.


(Inspired by a post by Coming Out at 48)