Mouth

My mouth is on your cock, my face against your thighs on the bed
as you lie sideways and fuck my face,
using my mouth like a pussy. warm and eager to swallow your skin.
You thrust into me, hot and wet,
over and over, your skin like silk against my teeth,
your cock full against the back of my throat.
I kiss you
I lick you
You stuff yourself into me
until I choke
until I feel your body explode
and I have you still once again
--this time, under my control.

Threesomes: An all true story

So I went and had coffee today with a man I met online who wants to have a threesome with his wife...they had one a few weeks ago with a female friend and thought it went quite well; the point of our meeting was to check one another out and get to know each other better.
Here's the story Pine(what I am going to call him) told me:
He and his wife have been married over 30 years. His wife was always the quiet, shy type--until she went on a two week vacation to visit a friend in the Midwest this summer-- and something happened.
Apple (what I am going to call her)--came back and told Pine she wanted to see other men; he said okay, she put an ad up on the Internet and started meeting men: spankos, dominants, NSA cocksters, etc...4 or 5 a week.
"It might have bothered me," Pine said, "But she was so happy."
Finally, Apple told Pine he should have other friends, too.
So Pine hooked up with a poly friend of his, Banana (okay, a silly name) and they started doing it one in a while.
Meanwhile, Apple's been collared by one of the doms she's serving (there are two!), and is arranging a threesome with two strange men--and is interested in having another threesome with Pine and a woman--which is where I came into the picture.
So Pine and I have coffee, he tells me this story, and I say to him, "So, what do you want?"
And Pine looks at me with his soft blue eyes, cornflower blue as a bluebonnet in Kansas, and says "I don't know!"

I left it loose with Pine, because while he was a lovely, lovely man, I could see he truly did not know what he wanted...and was trying to keep up with his very busy, active wife--a situation too strange to get in the middle of (as in the babe sounds like a playa.)
Geeze!

Sex

So I have been sleeping with G; he says I am great in bed and we are having a nice time.
But when he is inside me, I think of Z--of Z's hand on my throat, his throaty passion,
the way he touches me like no one else does, how in tune we are.
As inexperienced as I have been, this is the first time sleeping with one man
has shown me the depth of feeling I have with another.
I can understand how there is a delicious peversity in affirming that unique love with every new man I screw...sex with G reminds me that Z is special...but that G is nice, too.

The Collar

"The collar teaches me hunger: not for what I want, but for all you want of me."
--from pussy talk, a marvelous post therein

Slutting it up

Have been talking to a man who recently started engaging in threesomes with his wife, with the idea we might meet and....
Have also made contact with a man who is into swinging and wants someone to go to parties with him--his take on how the bisexual women drive the whole thing is interesting--and probably not true.
And then there's another guy who sounds interesting--two, actually--thing is, I don't have time to handle all this opportunitie at what feels like an appropriate pace, not with work and Z and my friend G coming to town and meeting the polyamorist...
Whew! I need to be better at managing timing on all these possibilities...

Breath play

Z and I are in bed. I've been away, and now I am back.
We cuddle and kiss and he touches the curves of my thighs, my hips,
my small waist and round bottom, my curvy breasts.

We kiss.
We kiss like two people who are drowning and want to float away entwined,
Like two people starving who want to lick up all the wetness,
Like ghosts made dense by the way our warm skins collide.

Z puts his fingers inside me.
I suck his cock till I choke, till he's thrusting deep at the back of my throat
and I'm so hot I want him to fuck me right then,
to come deep inside.

Z is in front of me, my legs pushed up and back, his cock stabbing into my cunt.
I tighten around him and it feels so good
feels so good as he tightens his hands around my throat
presses his hands down on my breasts,
presses his weight against my neck,
and comes hard, inside me
as I push his arms away and breathe
and scream
and breathe.


Later, much later, we cuddle and talk.
"I love to control you,"say Z. "I love the feeling of my hands on your neck.
How submissive you are. How you will do anything I ask."

"I only want to please,"I murmur as I curl against him,
thinking, for the 10,000 time, how amazing it seems that we could meet--
two people so adept at giving one another what they want.

Seeing the other guy(s)--and Z

Friday I am meeting the new possible guy for a drink.
Very curious about him..we've talked on the phone a good bit and he seems very nice...we sound compatible.
And my out of state friend is coming to town..we'll spend time together--So the next ten days could include (will include) sex with people other than Z...but sex with Z, as well, of course.
My last playtime with Z was so tremendous, I haven't posted about all the things we did, but it was great--he turns me on so much and we can be so in sync.
On the other hand, after all those years with one person, I just can't let myself be exclusive right now--I am debating how direct to be with Z about these other men...I think he prefers a don't ask, don't tell sort of scenario and I am the more direct sort--but I don't want to hurt him--or lie. (I won't lie.)

Thinking about adventures

Do I want to try out group sex?
I do.
But I have no idea how to get started.
I'm thinking I need a partner, someone I trust, to be there.
Anyone have any advice?

Another squirter is born

Chelsea Girl is now squirting too--only her post is so much funner.

Shocking but true--a 10 (sex) things meme

Via figleaf from Orange at Orange Tangerine: 10 questions with (my) answers:

• I lost my virginity in the maid's room at a suburban party in high school. My friend's mother found the used condom in the waste basket and went crazy--but she didn't know it was me.
• In HS, I got drunk one night and decided to give my close friend L(female) an orgasm--since she never had one. After I went down on her (unsuccessfully) I spent the rest of the night puking in the toilet bowl.
• I had a threesome with my best friend and a guy I was dating in college, but she and I barely touched--he made love to us both.
• I was faithful to my soon to be ex husband for 31 years...since I was 20. I slept with about 6 guys before him.
• I have been in love with two gay/bisexual men; I dated one of the for over a year (pre X-husband).
• I have had sexual experiences with 5 guys since my X and I split in 2005, but have had intercourse with only two of them, and have only had sex with two of them more than twice (guess which two)?
• I have never slept with anyone who is not white, but I think East Indian men look amazingly hot.
• I've never had a real relationship with a woman, but as a non-active bisexual, I'd like to.
  
• My first full S&M/BDSM experience was this year and my primary relationship now is with a dominant(as everyone who reads this blog can see.)
  
• I have never had group sex, but am curious about it.
  

And you?

Squirted

After what seemed like hours of sex, including a g-spot vibrator strapped inside me as we did all sort of things with rope, cuffs, clamps, flogger and more, Z and I took all the toys out, I came atride him, and we screwed. After all the stimulation, it felt so good to have him inside me, and as my pussy clamped down around him, I could feel my orgasm build in waves. Just before Z came, and then as Z came, I came as well, feeling incredibly excited--only this time, I squirted, major--first time ever for real.
Afterwards, Z described what it felt like for him to feel me come, the curtain of wetness and release. And then we looked at this HUGE wet spot on the bedsread..far more than just a little come.
It was intense....and fun.

"in a few hours I am going over to R's hour so he can hurt me"

So I am going over to Z's house in a few hours so we can play before Thanksgiving dinner with his family.
To put it another way, in a few hours I am going over to Z's hour so he can hurt me.
And we both can get off from his doing that.
I feel a little scared..while Z would never really hurt me...I see how a more hardcore dynamic is entering our sex life.
I like pain, and I like D/s, and I trust Z, so I am willing to do--or talking about someday doing-- all sorts of things that--when practiced by other people--sound too edgy (fisting, candle wax, figging, throat fucking and gagging, breath play, for example).
But is there a line with Z I shouldn't let myself cross?
And how would I know till I got there?

Fingered by Z

Last night Z was here. We were on the couch, and he put his hand inside my pants, reached for my pussy, and stroked his way inside. As he touched and fingered me, he watched my face, gauging response. With his other hand, he stroked my breasts and held my throat.
As Z touched me, I could feel myself opening to him, wider and wider, and as he rubbed my g-spot, I moved my hips. It felt so good.
More and more of his hand reached up inside, tugging, caressing, rubbing, teasing, but I knew (from past experience) there was no way he was going to fuck me--No, he was going to enjoy driving me crazy, demonstrating his control and ability to make me come multiple times.
After he'd made me sufficently (but not completely) insane, he told me to get on the couch and pull down my pants.
I bent over and first he inserted the knobbed Pyrex butt plug, then he proceeded to give me a spanking harder than I've had in weeks--not only on my ass, but on my hips, my inner thighs, my lower back, and my pussy. It hurt! As Z spanked me with one hand, he fingered me with the other, then fucked my ass with the plug (I was so turned on, this was easy).
Finally, he put fingers from both his hands inside me--one set hooked on my g-spot, the other fucking my pussy and rubbing against the (still inserted) plug from inside.
I must have come 10 times,but when I asked if I could suck his cock, he said no.

Z and I are asleep in bed; I'm naked

It's Sunday morning Z and I are asleep in bed; I'm naked and my hips curve against him as I cuddle the pillow. z turns and reaches for me,
His hands caresses my breasts, touch the tips and trace the full roundness of each globe.
Growling, Z pulls me closer, tight against him, till I am tucked right against his chest.
Gentlely, he turns me over and strokes me like a cat, long, gentle caresses down my sides and along my arms, gentle tugs and touches at my neck, my throat.
"Turn over" he says, pushing my legs apart so his hand can stroke my pussy.
"Open your legs," he says, his hand teasing the lips, wiggling its teasing way inside,
playing till I move my hips and arch against him, it feels so good.
"You little slut, you always want to come, don't you?" he says, and puts two fingers into a space that is now hot and getting wet, a space where I hold him as he holds me, his other hand holding my breasts.
Z works me till I come, and then till I come again. He watches closely as I sigh and moan and move--hard--against his hand.
"You belong to me, I control you," he says, and I agree because his touching me feels so good, because I am so completely turned on by both what he is doing and the idea of pleasing this man.
"Yes, yes," I sob, "Ohhhh, that feels so good!" and when he tells me to come for him, that he wants me to feel me come, I let myself go as much as I possible can and have my own small explosions under his hand, again and again and again.
Z take fingers out and puts then in my mouth.
Obediently, I lick them clean.
He kisses me deeply, puts his arms around me and says " I love to make you come. It gives me such pleasure to feel your body explode in warm ripples and waves."
"You give me such happiness," I say, and curl against him, thinking of the other things I hope we will do later in the day.

Thinking about: Group Sex

I've always said that I am not into sharing, but lately I have been thinking about threesomes and foursomes and more...and I realized that part of my shyness is that I have almost no experience having sex in front of other people--or with more than one person at the same time.
Wanting to experience that makes me want to find a way to try it--but it also makes me feel shy.
I would imagine that having sex with group can vary depending on whether you know them all well or whether the whole point is to have anonymous sex. For me, I think I'd be more interested in acting out with some people I knew--or could know--the anonymous stuff is stimulating, but something I can see keeping more as a fantasy than a reality.
Right now, my free time is so filled with seeing Z--and G is coming to visit in December--I don't know that I have the means to act on these impulses, but I am thinking about it....it would be interesting to meet someone who was into more of a sharing scene and experiment with them a bit...and have it be great, of course!

(Note: This concept doesn't have any significant BDSM in it--goal here would be sensuality and fun.)

A fantasy: this is what we love

You collar me and blindfold my eyes.
Later, there may be a silken gag.
I feel you tie my hands and push me into the bed and I wince as you clamp my nipples tight.
As you push me down, I feel your hands caress me,
the pink flesh growing red.
You bend, and your tongue flicks the pearl of my clit
and I wish you could swallow me, whole.
Your mouth is on me and your tongue, inside.
As I bend toward you, arching with pleasure,
you lube my ass and insert the plug.
The pain makes me gasp
but when you put two fingers inside me, hot and wet,
I want more of your hand, the hand squeezing me, probing as it caresses,
making me want you to fill me, to possess me some more.
Soon there is a vibrator and a gag,
and then you are spanking my ass, rubbing the skin to savor the red,
then hitting the riding crop against my skin.
By the time you put your cock inside me
I am ready to cry
ready to scream with the pleasure of having you fill me
of feeling your slick wetness against my hot skin
Of knowing I belong to you
and this is what we love.

A new life

This is probably a good moment to stop and remember that I started this blog as a place to write about sex and sexuality as I became newly single. Between the first post and now, I've not only become a more sexually expressive and confident person, I've become a kinkier and more liberal one--As much as I'm committed to my relationship with Z, I'm not monogamous to him, he knows that (and accepts it), and I'm much more curious that I had been in the past--more open to new ideas, and things (literally). I've also met many great people in the blogosphere who have been sources of friendship and inspiration--and that's really mattered.

On the couch this morning

After I sucked his cock, and he stood over me and fucked my face till he came, Z put his hands inside me and I got so excited I begged hin to fist me.
I begged.

Will I ever say Master to Z?

"I belong to you."
"You own me."
"I want you to possess me."
I will do whatever you want."
"I am your slut."
In the heat of passion it's easy to feel--and say--these things to Z. He says I am a good submissive because I never say no, and I do everything he wants--but we both know that I am not submissive in the most usual sense and that someone who wanted to dominate and control a woman all the time would not like to be with me. We were in bed last week, and Z was describing how his past experiences with other subs--especially the non-professional ones--were different. Apparently, some of the women were into degredation (one wanted him to piss on her), a few had slave fantasies, and more then one called him Master--(or Sir--which he hated).
Then there's me, a confident woman with an emerging submissive streak, looking for a man where D/s can be a big part of our power exchange and dynamic--sometimes I feel like Kate in The Taming of the Shrew, not like some meek little subbie--and yet, in bed and in all things sexual--I love submitting to Z. Not like it--love it.
And am starting to crave it.
But I have not yet--and probably never will--call him Master--and I will never ask for him to degrade me, though I'd probably let him take things pretty far if that was what he wanted.
It's an interesting mix to think about--the ways in which he controls me--and yet, the way that he has that power only because I let him, because I give it up to him so that we can both enjoy his possessing me.

The orgasms are amazing

Z and I make love for hours. When we are done, we lie side by side and talk and cuddle, but then talking makes us aroused, and we go at it again.
We haven't seen each other for a week, and the intensity is amazing.
As Z touches me, reaching inside me to stroke the g-spot, my body opens to him and once again,
for the second time, he has four fingers inside me, almost a whole hand.
As he caresses me, I push against him, experimenting with pushing out against his hand as well as contracting in, which is what I usually do.
With Z's fingers inside me, wrapped around my skin--I feel waves and waves of sensation--an orgasm that just builds until I want to scream, until I have that smoothed out like paper feeling I like so much, the utter peacefulness of having your brains blown.
Later, Z tells me what it felt like for him:"It was like being wrapped in some sort of silk, or velvet," he says. "The feel of your soft flesh against my skin, the way your body was rhythmically pulsing, squeezing against me, I've never felt anything quite like it."
We're at the stage where we're so close, we're making all sort of discoveries.
Everything feels special and unique.
We feel lucky--I feel lucky.
And the orgasms are amazing.

Z and I are in bed, naked.
I'm wearing nipple jewelry that clamps my big nipples in a pretty way, making them plump and swollen and puffy; the clamps are on chains that go up to a metal collar.
This is Z's new gift to me, that I've just put on.
He opens his legs and pushes my head down; I know he wants me to suck him.
I crouch over him, his cock in my mouth, my hands tracing the veins on his balls, my breasts rubbing against his leg as I let him fuck my face. As his cock goes into my mouth, I suck hard on it, trying to take him deeper, to swallow him whole, to make him explode with pleasure. As he wraps his legs around my neck, hooking me close, I moan in pleasure, half-choking as I try to take him deeper into my mouth.
As he pumps harder, I get more excited until soon, we are in a rhythm of his thrusting into my mouth and my taking him deep into the back of my throat, relaxed and wet and hungry.
His hand is on the back of my neck, holding me down. I slam my mouth against his cock, over and over, hard and wet and fast, until there is nothing left but the wet red air I am breathing with him inside me, filling my mouth all the way to the back of my throat.
Somehow, this moment has become very exciting.
Feeling his taste in my mouth, feeling his balls deep in my throat, feeling his penis convulse against my tongue is intoxicating.
I love sucking cock.
And I love Z.

Freya gets me hot

From Freya's House of Dreams: " He tells me to beg, she begins to come, moaning. I keep my tongue gently fluttering over her, seeing how long I can resist his orders. Her hands are in my hair, holding gently. By contrast, the hand at my hip comes down on my ass with a hard smack and my whimper is not one of pain. He gently squeezes my clit between slippery fingers and then stops. I cry out and the entreaties..."
Read it all here...hot.

Weekend with Z, last bits

We think I squirted.
I have impressive bruises on one of my breasts, and a bruise on my butt cheek.
My pussy is a little sort, and the soft flesh around my vagina hurts from the hard spanking.
It was a wonderful weekend and I look forward to doing it all again.

Z, an evolving dynamic

The next day, Z and I make love again and lie around talking in bed.
He's been interested in D/s for about 6 years, but he's only had a few relationships where the dynamic actually played out, and I may be the first one where what we want is so compatible, so mutual.
"I used to be with a woman, and I started to realized I wanted to spank her, to slap her face and pull her hair, and there was no way I could do it that in the relationships I was having," he says. "I started to explore D/s, but I always wanted it to be with someone I loved and cared about, not with a professional, or with a woman with no self-esteem."
"I didn't know what I wanted," I say,"But I thought the power exchange would have an intensity that would be incredibly expressive--I just didn't realize how intense it would be."
"That's why I wanted it to be someone I loved," he says--"Because it's so close and powerful."
We talk more and I share some of what I've been thinking over the past 15 hours..."You know, what's changing for me is that I'm starting to crave you dominating me. I've always felt that I had the upper hand in the relationship in some ways, even as the submissive, because you're the one who's been looking for someone longer--I was married. But now I can see how my feelings might shift and I'd need you, want you to control me...it's a little scary."
Z nods. "Yes, I'm the dominant, I own you, but because of that--you also own me."

We talk more...and he brings up my (growing) interest in pain.
His feeling: he wants to give me what I want, but more force isn't the answer. Instead, he wants to try more severe restraints.
"You're a pale-skinned red head and you can just take so much without being damaged," he says. "I want to try more control, and see if you feel things more intensely."

Lying in bed with Z, in the private world we two create, I'm wondering again at the unlikely match I have made. There is no way I could ever have predicted I truly would enjoy being submissive--to this man or to anyone--and yet Z and I have forged a deep bond, an ever-growing relationship unlike anything I've ever experienced--or imagined. The best part of it all is that it feels so right, and that I feel so good and so open, so excited, at how our dynamic is evolving.

Sex with Z, 2

Later, after we eat, we go back to bed.
This time I take off all my clothes.
Z puts the cuffs on my hand and my ankles and saps
me face down on the bed.
He blindfold my eyes, and snaps on the collar, then adds the leash.
I think he is going to play with my ass, but I have no idea what he really wants to do,
and I have no control.
Unless I need to use my safe word, I will do whatever he asks.
That's the game as we love to play it.

First, Z puts a huge, humming vibrator inside my cunt.
It's thick and noisy, like a drill,
and it presses against my g-spot.
I arch my ass up like a cat, wiggling to the sensation.
He respond by shoving it inside me and giving me some hard slaps.
Wack! Wack! He smacks my ass till it must be bright red, with some faint pink
handprints.
Next he puts his fingers there and I know he is wetting me, using the lube to prepare
me for some toy that will surely follow.
A moment later he's teasing me with one of the butt plugs, maybe the big one with the thick egg
shape, or the medium one shaped like a thickening wand.
It hurts so much as he pushes it in, but though I cry out, I don't tell him to stop--I know I will like how it feels inside me, filling my ass up.

Now that my two holes are filled, Z moves closer. Without actually being able to see him, I know
he is reaching for more toys and as he reaches for my breasts, I brace myself.
Grasping the nipples between his fingers, flattening and squeezing, he rolls the tender flesh, then clamps it tight in a little rubber vise, then does the same to the other nipple.
The pain is amazing, but so localized, I tell myself I can endure it, tell myself he will do something else that will balance this new pain away.
He yanks the chain between my breast and grabs my collar, pulling me up against him.
"I own your pussy," he growls. "And your ass, and your breasts."
I nod.
"Yes, you own me, " I answer.
He pushes me down and take the vibrator out of my cunt.
He slips a vibrating egg inside, and then another, and then something else, something big and hard and hurting and...I cry out, and then I tell him to stop, whatever it is, it's too big, it's too much.
Even without my safeword, he listens and he takes the thing out, and we go on.
Soon, I am on top of him, and he is inside me, and it is as good as it always is,
so wild and exciting,and the orgasm just rips out of me, explodes, and I scream and feel him come.

Sex with Z, 1

Z and I are at his place; I'm just back from a trip. We're all over each other, kissing and touching and holding and panting..it's been too long. I barely get into the living room before Z takes off my shirt and takes his breasts in my hands, then in his mouth. It feels so good when he bits and licks my nipples, encircles my breasts with his hands, tugs at the sensitive tips, practically swallows them in his excitment.
We go into the bedroom. Clean sheets. Bag of toys. Restraints on the bed.
I take off my jeans and socks.
"Bend over," says Z.
I do, and he pushes my lace panties aside and puts his hand inside me. Those fingers drive me mad, teasing and stroking as we kiss.
"You're so wet," he says, and soon he has four fingers inside me, almost a whole hand.
It hurts, but it feels so good.
Wham! With his other hand, Z smacks my ass.
Again and again, the blows rain down, and I blush to admit how much I like the pain.
I come and come again, and soon I am at the edge of the bed, his cock in my mouth,
feeling him thrust, feeling his hand on my throat, strong and chocking for an instant.
For two hours, we make love.
I'm amazingly excited, hungry, wet.
Z is the conducter, playing my body like his instrument, driving me to an edge
that's sharp and intense--and where he is with me, as close as possible, watching closely to offer maximum pleasure from carefully meted out pain.

I learn that I like being beaten,
I like it when Z slaps me in the face.
I like wearing my collar and being pulled and told to behave.
I like feeling my ass being spanked, and the blows Z inflicts on my breasts
and neck, and even the swats on my pussy.
I discover I like the pain, like taking in when it is given by Z
who would never hurt me, never inflict
damage of any sort.

I come and come, feeling everything intensely, until I am as flat and smoothed out as a bedsheet, until my pussy aches and I can't come any more, want nothing but to curl up with Z and cuddle and talk.

Sigh. It is so good to be back.

I need men

I haven't had sex for at least two weeks.
This is a total waste!
When there was some regular sex going on between me and Z, with those occasional trysts with
G, I felt like I was achieving a nice balance.
Now, I feel one (local) guy short.
No sex is not enough sex.
I have to round out my portfolio of men here---this is just not right.

What I miss--and what is between us

The past two weeks have been way too busy and that has meant (almost) no sex.
Interestingly enough, what I think about is Z's hand on my throat.
For all the exciting things we do together, the feeling of his strong hand on my neck is what I imagine.

I also think about the part of our relationship others see--and what they don't know.
Last night, we were with some of his family, having a lovely time--
But I knew no one there had an inkling that part of what draws Z and I together was a bond we only display in private: a dominant and his willing submissive.

On being dominant

"Nothing beats the feel of a warm neck nestled in the firm grip of my hand; and this hold, this place where my hand rests like a living collar so close to the skin I can feel the beating of her heart and each drawn breath like life itself - in this place exists everything I need know about who I am. "
--D'jaevle, Blood, Sex, Crimson

Me and G

It's been two weeks since I saw G and we had our rendezvous.
He calls me a lot and sends email, looking forward to the next time we meet.
He knows my other lover is dominant and I am submissive,
but since he's known me for several years (as a friend), this dynamic is something he's trying to figure out.
'So did you two have fun last night?" he asks."I went to the movies" (with his partner).
"Yeah, we went to a film,"I say.
"And then did Z tie you up?" he asks.
I laugh. "You don't want to go there unless you really want me to tell you, right?"I say.
"Yeah, okay, you're right...but I just hope you're having fun."
"Oh, I'm having a wonderful time," I respond, knowing there is no way to explain to him what Z and I do that captures how it feels.
"Just so you don't get hurt..."he begins, and I laugh and cut him off.
"--You mean in ways that I don't want to be?"
And then I stop, because explaining it all to him is just too complicated for a phone call--and it's really none of his business, anyway.

Toys

What Z bought for me:

• A thin black leather collar
• A pyrex glass butt plug
• A blindfold with red fur inside
• Big metal clamps joined together by a long silver chain

What I bought for myself

• G spot vibrator
• Big pyrex dildo
• A blindfold with black fur inside

Saturday night with Z

First we have dinner, then we see a (wonderful) play.
We talk and talk, and then go back to his place.

Soon we are in the bedroom.
"Bend over," Z says, "Let me see your panties."
His hands stroke my cheeks, tug at the cleft, and soon his fingers are moving inside my ass,
as his other hand strokes my clit.

"Turn over," he says."Take your panties off."
His hands fill me, front and back, his fingers driving, making me gasp,
the delicious edge of pleasure and pain.

"Lie back," he says, and his hands and his mouth move against my clit,
against the teased and swollen, reddened, lips, against the flesh he promises to pull apart as his tongue makes me scream.

Z is like a wave breaking over me,
a musician with a keyboard of flesh he is determined to play
a composer who takes me, again and again, to the cliff of an orgasmic edge
before letting me rest, serene.

For a male submissive

I know what it feels like to be tied down
so I imagine you
naked and blindfolded
tied down against the bed

First, there are the cuffs, black and red for your
wrists and ankles,
the o-rings, silver, snapped in place
against the bed's restraints.

There you are, naked and exposed,
your skin dim white in the light,
your cock rose pink as it strains into the air.

Imagine me and how I use you for my pleasure.

Imagine the feel of my tongue on your skin,
the flicker of teeth against the flesh,
the pressure of my taking you whole into my mouth,
you who cannot explode.

Imagine that I tease you to bursting,
tease you to the edge of fireworks and sun
tease you until your cock is so big, so red,
so swollen and tight
I have to ride it
until I come.

Imagine what you will feel
my grip so hard
so soft and wet
you have to beg

When I give you permission
when I say yes
when I come closer and take you
over an edge

your orgasm will erupt and make you shudder
make you shiver with the thrill of release
make you know you belong to me

and that I will drain you
again and again
the pleasure making you scream.

Dominate me

Things that turn me on:

• Z's hands in my mouth, forcing it wide
• His hand on my neck, squeezing ever so slightly as we kiss
• His leg hooking me close as I suck his cock
• His teeth on my nipples, hungry and sucking

"You belong to me," he says. "I own you" and I say yes, and do everything he asks.
"You're my own little slut" he says to me, "My big-titted fuck toy" and I say yes.

I say yes to everything
Yes to saying yes
Yes to Z
Yes to a passion I did not know I had
--for domination and for pain and for this deep, intense trust.

That this all makes me so happy amazes me--
It's completely off the map of my life
And yet I am having the most wonderful time.

Our secret lives

Clayton Holiday, married bisexual blogger: "There is nothing to mark me as bold and daring, except a blog authored with a moniker unrecognizable to the immediate family. My “who gives a fuck” attitude is all show.

What this means is that I have a secret life."

I have a secret life too--or a private life I am sharing in this (secret) blog.
Friends and family know I have a *sex* blog, but have no idea what it is or where.
I've discussed some of this with Jefferson( and hope to talk a lot more) and told him how this blog
is a very real part of myself, and yet also heightened--and perhaps braver-than I am outside of my most private life.

The *secret* nature is freeing...and alluring as well.

Squirting

I want to see if I can learn how to squirt.
I have a new G-spot vibrator, have read up a bit, and plan to practice.

Dominance and control 2

As my own understanding for D/s in my relationship with Z deepens, I understand more about him as a Dominant.
Z's dream is to be in a close, loving relationship with someone who is strong, but sexually submissive, whom he can enjoy using and controlling, but who isn't going to be a doormat or overly dependent on him in the real world.
He doesn't want to have the intense bonds of D/s as a form of play or scene, or as something people do on each other, as opposed to together.

He told me a story today about a woman he met a couple of years ago. She was coming out of a marriage and had decided it was time to explore her fantasies of being submissive, tied up, whipped, hurt, etc.
She met Z online, talked to him on the phone several times, and liked him--but she didn't want a real relationship.
After a while, and some real-life meetings, she convinced Z to come over with the full regalia of clamps, whips, rope and do the deed.
They did, and while it was sexually great, Z did not feel connected to her.
They got together a couple more times, but Z was just not feeling it and by mutual agreement, they broke it off.
I found this story interesting as evidence that Z knows what he wants and has been out looking for it, as opposed to me, who had no idea what I wanted, but then had things suddenly fall into place.

Dominance and control

As my relationship with R deepens, my understanding of how I experience being submissive shifts.
On one level, there's the sexual submissive aspect: acting to please, not saying no (unless there's a strong reason), allowing yourself--participating actively--to be used by your Dom.
On another level, there's the S/M aspect--alot of D/s exists in an area where pleasure and pain mix, or some pain leads to (alot) of pleasure.
But the area where my understanding is deepening is about control.
The thing that is most exciting in my D/s relationship with R is the pleasure he takes in controlling me, and the pleasure I receive in surrendering that control to him.
When we are together in this way, R not only *owns* my body, he is in control of much of what
I feel and experience.
I've not only given myself to him to be used as he see fit, I'm allowing him to guide and shape what I feel.
Letting R dominate and control me in this way isn't only a sexual high, it's an amazingly intense and intimate experience that can be so intense I feel merged with him at times.
That bond then carries over into the rest of our relationship; I trust R in a way I could not trust my ex, thou we were married for 10,000 years.

From A to Z

I am clearly successful at becoming a secret slut: in the space of yesterday I went from Z to A without a qualm (and hope to see the Big Guy) tonight.
I probably had more orgasms (and fun) in the past 36 hours that in the past 6 months...
Mmmm.
More on seeing Z later (hint: it was wonderful, and yes, he dominated me, as always).

For A: One night together, away from everything

You bring strawberries, whipped cream, flowers and a sandwich;

I bring four vibrators, two dildos, one blindfold and two bottles of lube.

In bed together, we are an ocean--

Two mouths kissing, hungry for love,

Two bodies clasping, hungry for touch.

You show me how I can be held through the night,

Soft and spoon-like,

I teach you how to put two fingers inside me and rub.

You ride me, and then I ride you,

I kiss you, you kiss me,

You move inside me and I am caught on your wave,

A flower exploding that blooms for both of us.

I want you to touch me again and again

I want another run at that moment

Those flowers

That mystery pleasure ride we took round and round throughout the night

Before returning to the world we know.