Booty call

It's late and I'm horny and I think about who I could call and wonder if it's worth the effort, but there's no one I know I want to come over, no one who could meet these needs, at least not with out my getting all emeshed again.

G--never.
D--no way.
A--that's over and I can't give in to going back.

And all the other men I've met in the past--if I didn't sleep with them the first time, why would I want to do it now?

Yeah, there just isn't anyone right now who could hit it right.

Hot banging sex...with my hand.

Touch me and I shiver, kiss me and I melt.

It's late night after a date and I am in bed with myself, making love with my hand.

We kissed in the car and he put his hand on my throat, but he doesn't know I'm submissive and he's not going to find out; I'm not playing so fast anymore--I'm just running those scenes in my mind.

Slowly, I wet my pussy lips and put my hand down there. One finger rubs around my clit, the other strokes the moist skin and the short, curly hairs. I can feel the heat from my body and how I want it, how I want that man I no longer have, and how I'm going to give myself exactly what I want, a big, banging orgasm that will leave me panting.

Slowly and gently, I touch and rub, petting the hot button of love until the tension makes me want to scream. My mind's full of moments, flashes of men, real and imagined.

Alone in the bed, I ride my dreams, rocking hard until I come, until a soft whisper stands in for the scream I'd utter if someone were really here, until I'm so tired I can fall asleep.

I've been hurt

So something happened to me that hasn't happened before: I've been hurt.

I met someone I wanted more with, who clearly doesn't want that with me.
And I'm crushing on this person and feeling rejected.

I suppose I'm lucky this is a first, but I feel sad I'm not going to get what I want, as in you can't always....

Talking to the hand

It's me, alone in the big white bed, wanting to come and put myself to sleep.
It's me, touching those tender spots on my breasts, tracing the swell of a nipple, pinching the tips so tender, and hard.

My hand between my legs
My hand inside my cunt
My warm, wet flesh
That smell rising as I arch and come

My mind dreaming of you
of my collar
The man no longer with me
No longer here

It's been a month since we touched.

Our mouths are like two hummingbirds seeking honey,
reaching deep to extract from the core.

Our hands like wings beating in the air,
only air is the warm skin we touch.

Drowning in feeling, we cannot get enough.
Holding one another so very close, we have to get beyond our touch
to a place where two souls can meet and hold fast, hold space

no matter what else might come.

for D.

Fire, I am burning

His hip, curving, bone like a handle, thrown across my bed.
Hands, long and narrow, one twined tight around my neck, the other (almost) holding me down.
"I like putting my fingers in your cunt," he said. "I like holding you there."
And "I love biting your breasts, those big, sensitive nipples."
And I I mention how me moaned when I sucked his cock?
His pleasure when I took it deep in my mouth and licked the tender edge?

So good I could almost come

He's not tall, slender, with long arms and legs, full lips that pout like a girl's.
His eye are brown, tender, but when we kiss, he holds my neck hard, like a dom.

"Would you take your shirt off?" he asks.
"Only if you take yours off, too," I respond." But, you know, I'm not going to sleep with you."

Soon we're in the bedroom and he's kissing my breast through the thin net of my bra, biting down on the nipples in a way that I know has to make his cock so hard.

"I'd like to touch your breasts," he says.
"Okay, " I say, "But you have to take your shirt off too."

And that's when I see it--the nipple ring--a slim silver slice bisecting the tiniest spot.
"Ohhhhh," I say, and bend to kiss it.

"Ohhh," he responds, deep in the back of his throat, and as we kiss and touch one another, I savor that he's so hot.

"Your breasts are incredible," he tells me. "I want to worship them."
"Go ahead," I murmur,.

When I feel his mouth on my nipple, hands squeezing and stroking the flesh, it's so good, I could almost come.

And then later, when we're naked, and his perfect cock is hard and big and the lube I squeezed out is all over my hands, I just want to make him come.

This man is pure poetry.

Manless

Having ended it with both of my lovers, I have no guy.

This is the first time in quite a while there's no one, and I'm surprised at how much that isn't bothering me (of course, it's only been a few days.)

I don't feel ready to deal with anyone else, and I'm relishing the idea of additional time to myself, but I am also thinking that this might be a good time to revisit my vibrator stash and see if all the parts work. The moment is going to suddenly arrive, I know, where I'll want more than just being very good friends with my hand, and it's always smart to therefore be prepared.

(Of course, then there's the fact that when I touch myself, I think of someone I used to date and we're not together, and that makes me sad, and then that little orgasmic thrill goes away--at least until I force myself to change the channel in my head and rely on older, tried and true fantasties to get off.)

It would be interesting to set myself a no guy challenge, to take things really slow this time, and see what emerges in my psyche from resolving to be sexual--but solo.

Stay turned and you may find out.

So Andre and I have decided to part

..and we're going to talk about what to do with this blog.
It was a huge thing for me to invite another person in, and now that that's happened, I am asking myself what the best next steps are.

Some ideas:
Continue to share blogging, even if we are not together (That seems too awkward and wierd.)
Continue blogging solo, as before.
Delete Andre's posts (his decision, really.)
Close down this blog and start a new one with another name, another URL.

I want to see what's most comfortable for Andre; I'm not sure yet what my preference is. Till this gets discussed and resolved, I'll keep posting here.

Sad news

For reasons I'm not going to share, Andre and I have decided to part. We're figuring out what happens with the blog.

I like the little things Plum does for me

I am amazed at how I respond to little things that Plum does for me. Nothing big, just the 'I picked these up for you' in a particular snack she'd thought I liked, or even 'I looked for those but didn't find them'. It truly is the thought that counts. Of course, I am sure I do the same, but it is so good to find reciprocation and validation. It creates a loving bond and allowss us to play at a high intensity.

We haven't had time to play much in the last week because of a late date, late night out, and an early rise. We awoke late because of too much snuggle time. I jumped out of bed, made coffee while Plum showered, and then out the door. Plum remarked 6 minutes start to out! Wow, I never knew a woman could do that. Of course, Plum isn't just a woman, she is much more complex.

I like it that way.

Icy

This image makes me think of two of my favorite things--

cool ices in the summertime

--and sucking cock.

(flickr photo by chepuca)

Fur: Diane Arbus as submissive

Watching Fur: A movie by Secretary directory Steve Shainberg about photographer Diane Arbus that's set in a fantasy realm, it's clear that the director--and perhaps star Nicole Kidman--imagined the wildly creative and original Arbus--from an upper middle class family--to actually be a highly repressed submissive with a unique way of seeing things.


The doll hospital..the city morgue..flophouses..the insane asylum--this movie's imaginary Arbus loves'em all, but she just really wants is a Daddy with a whip who will set her genius free.

It was so inviting.......

Plum and I had a hot scene the other day. I tried out some new sensation toys on her cute round ass.

The riding crop and quirt(small horse whip) were purchased at the feed and farm supply store in town. I showed them to Plum last week and left them on her night stand. No doubt, Plum sanitized her room to make sure her virtue is left in tack as far as most of her friends know about us. Plum must cater to the ones who think that we are just an ordinary middle-aged couple who are in love. Of course, we often joke about how much the housekeeper knows, as we also suspect that the housekeeper has some skeletons in the attic also.

While deliciously torment some pink part of Plum, I told her to get the new toys out and kneel on the bed. Of course, the sight was delicious, a term I often use for Plum.

I began to gently test the toys, first the crop. It had a pad bigger than most. It was hard to say if bigger is better. I kind of like the precision of smaller, but the sound of bigger is intoxicating. The quirt was next. This is my first endeavor into a whip like toy. I loved the pink dashes that developed and how Plum jumped and gasped. She look so inviting. I love the unexpected in my play.

While caressing her reddened ass as a sort of break that might have been consider aftercare, I had an evil urge.

Being a visual person, Plums upturned ass and available pink rose bud were just too much for me to resist. I plunged a finger in quickly while I was massaging her g-spot. No preparation except being adequate lubed. Her reaction was immediate!

She managed a few seconds of enjoyment as I finger fucked her ass. So taboo, so naughty, so basic......... all of which contributed to an orgasm that flooded a towel and left her quivering and spent.

After she recovered and I washed up, we started to plan our next date. I vowed that this time it wouldn't be a finger, it would be me. We seldom play like that, but the intensity is up and no holes are barred, or it is bared????

Plum and I plan our next date

Plum and I are changing things a little here. As I hoped we are turning things up a notch, but also have freed ourselves in other ways. When we left each other the other day, we began to plan our next date.

I found this delicious 3/16" orange rope which feels like a very strong dacron braid. No stretch, reasonably inexpensive at Ace Hardware. It caught my eye in a a display at the cash register. It called out to be wrapped around Plum's white skin. Get the EMT scissors out, this will be fun.

Usually our play is just a few taunts over the telephone or inan email before a date. I am not an over-planner. But, this time we agreed to be different. I also recently got some new toys.

While at the local feed and farm store, I picked a new riding crop and a quirt whip. Nothing too serious, but these are our favorite category of toys which we call pervertables. These are toys that have other intended uses that we can use for play. In this case, the price is probably 50% or less than the cost in a BDSM/Fetish store. I tried both in a light way the other day and got a good feeling for Plum's reaction.

So, we will add a bondage element here as well. I will bind Plum so she is pretty immobile. My scene envisions her to be pretty powerless to decide which part of her body I will use.

Plum is pretty flexible, so her grabbing her ankles, or rather not having a choice has possibilities, binding her breasts with the orange rope would put her in an dandy predictament. Then I would be free to take her anyway that I want. I like when bound breasts get so red. Pretty erotic, so primal......

After the light test with the new toys the other day, Plum said she wanted me to use them on her breasts. Yes, we are turning the heat up a little. Plum will get her wish.

The BDSM purists say that this is topping from the bottom, usually used in a derogatory manner. I just say that it is keeping my submissive happy. Time will tell us how happy she wants to be........ I intend to make her very happy.... always my intention! She will feel cherished as well, she will have no choice!

A most amazing night.........

Plum and I have an amazing quality. Our deep relationship seems to be able to handle bumps in the road, change course a little. and emerge completely revived. We love each other so much.

We started the day by checking in about some issues that troubled us, mostly related to the direction of our relationship. Nothing new here from either of us. Me wanting more.... Plum's already alluded to them. After 30 minutes of heart-to-heart discussion, yes I teared several times. We've agreed that I will date others and that Plum will be my primary relationship. I love that excitement, but also have mixed feelings for my reasons why I am doing it. I know I have to be less analytical, because over-analyzing all of our differences here is driving us both nuts.

The surprise occurred after the get together. I went home with Plum and we made mad passionate love. The very best ever for me here. There was an intensity that was baffling. I couldn't get enough of her. Usually late at night after a full day, I am kind of lackluster. In this case, we rolled out the rockets and canons. We had the Theme from 1812 and the Theme from Rocky both playing at once. So deep. So juicy. So delicious. So sated.

We slept deeply and then awoke. Plum was first, and pattered around the house, read email. I slept like a baby and recovered well from the night before. She climbed back into bed to wake me in her own special way. There was little hesitation as I responded. No doubt existed in my mind that she wanted. Plum and I have rules. Number one is neither of us EVER say no. The morning was pretty lazy. We made love, played, and chatted for a few hours before breakfast. Plum probably came 20 something times. I came twice. She is a real cum slut. We drenched a couple of large bath towels and still soaked the bed. I tried our a new crop and a whip I bought at the local feed and farm supply store. I left some nice marks on her ass and promised that her luscious tits were next. No coffee was drunk, we were too busy with each other.

In the end, checking in was very good. No real changes except perhaps a further affirmation that I will date others. Plum and I re-iterated our positions that we mean more to each other, and other relationship are meant to be secondary We cleared the air and turned up the heat up a notch.

We split after planning the next date. I found some colorful orange rope. Soft nylon, about 5/32" and bound to look good against Plum's pure white skin. She will be bound and immobilized and I will use her as I see fit. I'm sure we'll tease and taunt each other for the next few days before our next date. No doubt here that it will be hot. Plum loves being restrained and then used for my pleasure. I take it over and over again!

She also knows that her total pleasure is my goal, and I seldom miss that mark. I certainly didn't miss that mark this afternoon as I tucked her into bed, fully used, took a shower and left her napping with a very content smile on her face, as well as a very well used body. So primal........ in love.

Loving Andre

I've been seeing Andre now since January and the energy between us still thrills me.
On a sexual level, this man is such a good fit for me!
He's kinky and dominant, but also wholesome and communicative--one of the happy perverts.

There's an underlying question about where this relationship is headed--would we ever move into together, talk about marriage, etc?--but even with those open questions, I still thrill to his love and support right here in the present.

I guess you have to be submissive and a little bit of a maschoist to say I love the way he hurts me and have it mean something--especially since I am only into pain in small doses (which A gets).

Andre, you are amazing.