Missing Z

For various situational reasons, have not seen Zfor almost a week--and God, I miss him.
I also realize I have come to crave squirting--the kind of orgasm it gives me is so intense and focused--something I've mostly had with Z
Mmmm.

Opening the heart

D was here a couple nights ago. We'd gone out with friends, then come back to my place.
"I'm too tired to make love," he said. "It's the end of a long week, and I feel like an old married guy."
I laughed, because I'd been thinking something similar as I washed up in the bathroom.
But then we ended up lying in bed having a really personal talk about love, intimacy, passion.
I talked about Bear and how special he was--and how my feelings surprised me--and about
Z and about how I wondered if I was afraid to fall in love--not that I want to, at this point.
He talked about intimacy and that "new relationship energy" wearing off, so the people saw one another's weak points.
After we talked, we wanted to make love, and as we did, I felt my heart open to D. It wasn't only the way he touched me, or the high-pitched cry he uttered as he came, far more soft and heart-felt a noise than he'd ever made, it was the way our souls seems to be flowing together, the way our bodies made us harmonize for a moment that made me feel so much closer to him.
What I have with Z is great, but I also feel that perhaps I could have something special with D, and I want to discover more of what that could be, I want to open my heart to him.

Slut (I am a)

D and I were going to get together last night after a work event, but I've been having too much fun--and begged off so I could rest.
Later in the night, he called--and offered to come over and give me a back and neck massage.
Of course, I said yes.
And of course, I ended up rubbing his back,
which led to rubbing his feet,
which led to sucking his cock
which led to our taking all our clothes off and bouncing all over my bed
as we did the deed.


(Update: Yes, I am amazed at what a horny little slut I have turned into--and how much pleasure it's giving me.)

Marked

I want to be marked
as if you owned me,
as if I were a dog you brought to heel,
prized bitch tied out in the yard
waiting for her master's call.

Hand prints on my thigh
A bruise on my breast
Words in a language no one else can read
hidden beneath my clothes.

Hood

Black bra, black g-string, black fishnet stockings, black lace garter belt/half corset.
High black heels with silver tips.
Thick red lips.
Thick black hood.

You flip me over on the bed and drag me toward the edge.
I am sucking your cock, my head hanging over the side.
You push and thrust, slamming your way deep down to the back of my throat,
the place where my vision goes black and I can't see, can't breathe
because of your thighs wrapped around my neck.

My mouth is your pussy
One you love to use
My ass is your table
high in the air.

Your hands reach and spread me open as you shove into my throat.
Your fingers spread my lips apart and enter, strong and deep.

I suck you as you fuck my throat, as your hands make me gush and scream.
I suck you till I cannot see, cannot breathe,
lost in the drama of my big black hood.

Thick red lips.
High black heels with silver tips.
Black bra, black g-string, black fishnet stockings, black lace garter belt/half corset,
your cock halfway down my throat.

HOT

Vivane Westwood--yow.

D

Spent the night with D last night.
In the absence of the much missed Bear, D is my consolation prize as the potential other (main)guy in my soup.
Did I mention he's a breast guy and loves big, natural ones?
Or that he's into spanking, tantric sex, and oral?
And that he's just so darn nice?
I feel lucky...it was a lovely time.

Hood

I have one--but we haven't put it to work yet.
When we do,
I'm thinking red lips, black hood, blindfold.
Corset, garters, stocking, heels.
Collar and leash.

Use me.

I'm a squirter

Another new development: Much to Z's delight, I have become a squirter.
During our post-gym love-making this morning, I squirted four times, drenching my panties and my gym clothes (don't ask why I'd kept them on.)
Z was delighted both at the gushing come and the way he totally controlled me; I could not believe how wet I was (and then there was the moment when he put the collar and leash on me and dragged me into the bedroom on my knees--I couldn't believe how wet my mind was over that one.)
Our climax was when, after much cock-sucking and screwing, Z had me get on top of him and I rode him till he came deep inside me, exploding in a way that gave me big orgasm #5 of the day.
Yumm.
We are compatible.

P.S. The collar and leash fantasy was one I've been having about Bear, so it was interesting Z chose it....and yes, it was hot.

More on Bear

I told two friends about meeting Bear and how lovely it was.
They were both delighted, not surprised at all (this is a comment about me).
I've been entertaining myself thinking about him,
fantasizing about Bear ordering me around as I wear a collar
and pulling me down to suck his cock.
I'm imagine how nice it would be to do it doggy-style--

But the, truth is, I switch gears and think about how much I enjoy kissing Bear,
being held in his arms, brushing his skin with mine.
I feel passionate about him, and fierce, still savoring our moment--and as fun as the hard core stuff would be, I'd be just as happy to sit and talk, heads together.

Signing in as a submissive slut

So in the past ten days I have slept with four--yes, four--different men.

• Z--my primary partner
• D--the hipster friend
• A--the geek with a dark edge
• B--my sex blogger sweetie
  

It amazes me--in my limited experience--that I could have enjoyed each one so much--completely on their own merits--they are so different!
I think I'll see A again, but his 'secret sadist' comment has me on guard--I like dominants--but not sadists--so I am considering cancelling what we began.
D is such a good man, more of a friend, but fun.
B lives far away..if he was closer I'd want him to ravish me regularly--or I'd try to ravish him.
And Z, well, there is always Z, the dominant lover who set me on the road to who I am today.

Four guys in ten days is a life record--but in truth, I've only slept with five guys (the fifth is my distant friend A) in the past year--but three of those in the past 2 weeks(!).
Now, considering I'd slept with just 8 guys before I got married at my ex, I've just rapidly increased my experience base--probably more than I will for a while (would like to work with what I have for a bit).

The sweetest thing

He's dark, trim, dominant. Smart, funny, sincere.
We met through blogging and we met up this week in a city neither one of us lives in, to spend a night talking and making love.
Bear is the first black man I have ever slept with and the youngest--25--but neither of those facts has any bearing on the amazingly delicious way he kissed me, or the thill I felt as he ran his fingers down my back, against the curve of my hip, or the way he gently bit my breasts as he breathed softly into my neck, or the electricity we generated as I kissed and licked his long, curved cock, taking it deep into my mouth and down my throat with the heartfelt passion of a tongue kiss.
We didn't know one another--but we knew one another--touching and laughing
and talking and touching.
Hot and sweet we said, and hot and sweet it was, hot and sweet we were.
There was the moment he teased me with the paddle, going from soft rubs to hard slaps, and my excitement as he smacked my ass, his fingers deep inside me, probing and teasing till I moaned and came, grinding against the tips.
And the moment when he lay atop me, brushing his body against mine until I wanted nothing more than to feel him inside me, to enjoy the feeling of him filling me up, wanting to close down around him until he had to explode.
And then there was the back rub he gave me, and the butterfly kisses I gave him, and the way we cuddled and talked, almost as easy if if we'd hung out before.


Bear, I've been thinking about you since you left.
About how sweet we were together, and how hot, and how I'd so very much like to spend time with you again, to see what kind of darker edge we could draw as we teased and held one another.
"I don't want another girlfriend," you said, when I called and read you this."But it kind of felt like that in some ways."
"We're lucky," I said when you told me that."I'll never be your girlfriend, and yet, we have something good together."

Bear, I think of what we had as something without a name,
a connection that just was,
without a label.
I think of us stepping outside our lives and finding a place to meet
and enjoy one another--
And then I think about how good it felt when you were inside me--
And I want to do it again.

Night with D

In the carnival of cocks that this week has turned into, I spent a night with D as well.
We had a lovely time because D is a lovely guy, but he didn't--in our first night night together--inspire the level of intensity and passion I feel with Z and now with Alpha.
Having said that, it was wonderfully fun, and we had some good orgasms and lots of smiles.

Imagining A

Waking up this morning, thrilled with images from last night:

• A shoving his big cock down my throat
  A teasing my nipples, pulling them out and licking them
• A holding me down on the bed as he pushed his hard cock into my ass
  ever so slowly at first, then back and forth, hard and harder
• Kissing A as he rubbed my g spot, making me so wet I couldn't believe it

This man KNOWS how to make me thrill

I'm wetter with him than I have ever been

and I couldn't believe how much I craved having him inside me--and how I am savoring the memory now.

"I am never going to let you go..."

Things got a little intense over my 24 hours with Z.
Now that we're using the M word, it's clear his secret self is in thrall not only to me, but to his mastering me, which elicted heat of passion comments like the muttered "I love you so much, I am never going to let you go..." and the equally uncomfortable "I am your Master," which makes me think, every time, of Darth Vader and StarWars, a very unfortunate--and funny--comparison.
I don't like this stuff coming out--it's nice to be treasured and even obsessed over, but sheesh, some things should remain private...only with the very forthright Z, they won't be--and I can live with that--and with the knowledge I found those particular comments a little frightening and that's why they bothered me.

Oh--and did I mention he called me at 7am today, chirpily announcing his 2006 resolution was to get up early--but he hadn't gone to sleep? Yeah, a tad manic, IMHO.

NYE: Cum on my face

Z and I had a marvelous New Year's, thank you very much.
And since we can't keep our hands off one another, we had a great time as well.
Some highlights:

• Z coming against my tits, and asking to come on my face--he did, a first.
• Z sucking my toes as he fucked me, legs in the air.
• Z using the paddle--with sandpaper-and the riding crop-on my ass and legs.
• Squirting with Z--not as much as before, but once again--and Z loved it.
• Wearing my collar--and hot it looked when Z clamped my nipples and threaded the chains through the collar's O-rings.
• Our discussion of the hood Z is going to buy me.
• Sleeping cuddled together and not having to go anywhere New Year's Day, what a nice change...

Sexual milestones: 2005

What to look back on:
Breaking up with my partner--good bye to 20 plus years of sex with just one person, help to opportunity. --And from that:

• First (disasterous) real world date
• Lingerie--lots of it--and corsets--and high heels
• First BDSM experience
• Meeting-and steering clear of--a sadist
• Rope, restraints, shibari
• Finding the g-spot--and g-spot vibrators
• Nipple torture--clamps and more
  
• Butt plugs and anal sex (but not enough of it)
• First affair with a married man
• First date with a poly guy
• The joy of being spanked
• And flogged, paddled and yes, whipped
• Domination and submission, as in having a master/feeling owned and digging it
• Squirting, twice in the past 24 hours (!)
• Deep throating and face fucking (yep, never really did that)
• Starting this sex blog
• Sex blog buddies and support
  
• My collar(s) --and leash
• Fashionistas--the hottest DVD
• Becoming a naughty little pervert--and loving it